The Official Writing Challenge
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I absolutely love this story. You did a great job of grabbing my attention right away as my heart hurt for Johnny. I liked how you started right off with the conflict.

You may want to consider using some narrative lines instead of taglines like he said or she shrieked. For example: “It’s nothing. I’m not good at anything.” Johnny hung his head and slumped his shoulders.
Not only can something like that tell the reader who was speaking, but it also shows the reader a picture about Johnny's emotional state.

At times, you did an excellent job of using the slang words in Grandma's dialog. It really develops her character, but then at other times you slip back into a more formal voice. Just try to be consistent, if you leave the g of words like goin', then leave it off other ing words as well. I loved the word wuz and something like fer would be a great fit too.

Also you may want to break the monologue into shorter paragraphs and double space in between so as to not overwhelm the reader and give more white space.

Overall, I think you have a wonderful knack for storytelling. I was totally mesmerized by these charming characters. You had me smiling as I pictured the antics of the dad. You did a nice fresh job of writing on topic too. This was an enjoyable read and left me feeling lighthearted. It's great to remember those older stories and keep them alive for the next generation. Great job.
05/31/13
What a delightfully entertaining tale! I loved this whole piece and was sorry it had to end...great job.

God Bless~