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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Ding-Dong (05/16/13)
Paul walked back and forth down the block trying to find an address. He went to this blue house with white trim and pushed the doorbell. Ding dong, rang the doorbell. A man shuddered as he opened the door, but the chain only allowed a three inch gap. "Can I help you?"

"Is this 420 Third Avenue South?"

"Sorry, you have the wrong house." The man pushed the door shut.

Paul pressed the button again. The man peered out. "What?"

"This is the only house that doesn't have a number. It has to be 420."

Veins bulged on the man's forehead. "Okay it's 420, go away." He closed and bolted the door.

Paul rang the doorbell again. "Does Peter live here?

"There ain't no Peter here ." The man's face tightened as he slammed the door.

Ding-dong, ding-dong, ding-dong. "I need to talk to Peter; because of him, I know Jesus. I want to help him."

The man opened the door and put his finger to his mouth. "Shhhh, be quiet." He motioned Paul to come in.

After Paul entered, the man peeked out the door, and scanned nearby houses. Then he pulled his head inside and gently closed the door. "I'll get Peter. We need to be careful; the cops are looking for him."

Paul glowed when Peter walked into the room. "My name is Paul do you remember me from last week?"

Peter smiled and shook Paul's hand. "Yes, I remember." He motioned for Paul to have a seat.

"The man who met me at the door said the police are looking for you. Why?"

Peter gasped. "Didn't you know that Christianity has been banned?"

Paul's eyes opened wide. "No, I wasn't aware."

Peter fidgeted in his chair, every couple of seconds his eyes would dart outside of the window. "I've been running an underground church from my home. They almost caught me. Luckily, I escaped . I have to be diligent about answering the door."

"I have an access to a secret cave. Maybe your church could meet there."

Peter shook his head. "I can't take a chance that they'll find me and put me in jail. My best bet is to leave the country, but you could take my place. You need to be careful about whom you let in when the doorbell rings."

"What do you mean, Peter?"

Peter's knees knocked. "It might be an undercover cop."

Paul put his hand on his chin. "Hmmm."

"Son, how about I pray for you?" Peter put his hands on Paul.

"Okay." Paul bowed his head.

"Dear Lord Jesus, Paul could be the perfect person to replace me. I pray that you would give him wisdom and power to bring the gospel to this great country. In Jesus' name Amen."

Ding-dong the doorbell rang and Peter's face turned white as his heart throbbed.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
05/25/13
I loved this piece...so good, and moved quickly. I like Biblical accounts, I really enjoyed this.

Thanks. God bless~
Judith Gayle Smith-Owens Vitouswykegardinerclark
05/26/13
Gives me shivers . . .
Brenda Rice
05/27/13
Your entry gives us lots to think about. I enjoyed your story. Thanks for sharing.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
05/30/13
You did a nice job on this piece. I also thought the subtle irony of the names was quite effective. The one thing I noticed is you repeated the words doorbell and door quite often. By combining sentences and using different structures you could prevent that For ex: He went to this blue house with white trim and rang the bell. The ding-dong echoed in his ears. I do like how you brought the story full circle and have been doing an excellent job.