The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
04/11/13
Very dramatic and dynamic writing. Held my interest throughout. God's perfect timing - don't you love it?
04/11/13
Very dramatic and dynamic writing. Held my interest throughout. God's perfect timing - don't you love it?
04/12/13
Though you don't say, I would guess this is based on a true story. You did a wonderful job of describing the scene and I could feel the Holy Spirit working through the MC.

My only suggestion would be to trim the beginning a bit. It is vital to the realization that but for the grace of God, the MC might have been killed. In this day of instant gratification, it's vital you grab the reader's attention immediately. Perhaps something like this would have worked: Grumbling about being sent to the wrong voting site, my eyes glanced at the clock as my heart beat a tad faster at the thought of being late. Suddenly, the horrific sound of metal smashing into metal jerked me back to reality.
That's just an example to show how you could possibly grab the reader's attention a bit sooner.

I'm not saying my example is better, but I wanted to try and show you what I meant.

I think you did an outstanding job of covering the topic in a fresh and powerful way. You also have a wonderful way of building the suspense and pulling me into the story. I found myself fully vested in both the MC and the driver. You did a great job with this.

You also did a nice job with the ending. It might have drawn the reader in more if you actually showed the prayer. So many readers don't really know how to pray so I always like a story that shows prayer. Many endings in the challenge are often one of the author's lower scored criteria from the judges as many either rush the ending or tie it up too neatly, but I think this ending was one of your strongest criteria. It delivers a wonderful message without coming off as preachy. You have a genuine knack of storytelling. I look forward to reading more of your work. Good job.
04/13/13
Wow - this was powerful, especially the explosive ending. Words that dug deep into my heart.

God Bless~
04/20/13
Congratulations!