Home Read What's New Join
My Account Login

Read Our Devotional             2016 Opportunities to be Published             Detailed Navigation

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge



how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level


submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners

Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.



how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: "Splash" 4-11-13 Deadline (04/04/13)

TITLE: The Splash that Almost Killed
By Ken Ebright


"Ha-ha, I'm going to splash you." Brett put his hands together and hurled water at his sister Cindy.

Brenda, the kids' mom, sprung out of her lawn chair. "Brett don't splash your little sister!"

Cindy started to cough; her face turned red; and she clutched her throat and fell back into the water.

The life guard vaulted out of her perch and pulled Cindy out of the water onto the side of the pool.

"Cindy!" Brenda sprinted over to her daughter.

Cindy’s body was lifeless as her lips started turning blue. The lifeguard checked for a pulse.

"Someone get the defibrillator! Her heart stopped."

Brenda's hands shook as she hovered over her daughter

"Lady, please stand back." The lifeguard slapped the patches on her and placed the paddles on her chest, and yelled "clear." The guard pushed the button and her body jerked.

Brenda's twisted his arm as she yanked Brett out of the water and slapped him on his rear.

"You're so dumb, how could you drown your little sister? If she dies, I'll never forgive you."

Brett started to cry.

The lifeguard shocked Cindy three times until her heart started to beat regularly. She opened her eyes, her nose scrunched. "Mommy-mommy! Where's my mommy?"

Brenda walked over and knelt by her daughter. "Honey, Mommy's here, you're going to be all right." She turned and looked fiercely at Brett. "Your brother is going to be grounded for the rest of his life."

Cindy sniffed a couple of times and then started to smile. "Mommy, I saw Jesus."

Brenda rolled her eyes. "You saw Jesus?"

"Yes Mommy, I saw Jesus. He thinks you're being too mean to Brett. He loves me, I know he didn't mean to hurt me."

Brenda sat her daughter on her lap. "Brett almost killed you; he deserves to be punished."

"Mommy, Jesus said you need to tell Brett that you're sorry."

Brenda hugged her daughter. "Brett's a bad boy. Don't you remember last week when he punched you in the nose?"

Cindy dropped her head. "I called Brett a mean name, just like you do all the time. Jesus told me that I was being a bad girl. I promised Jesus I'll be nice to him from now on."

Brenda threw her hands up into the air. "Honey, you don't understand."

Cindy frowned. "He thinks you hate him."

"Hate him! I don’t hate him!"

Cindy's eyes grew wider as she confronted her mom. "You're always mean to him."

Brenda gritted her teeth and tightened her face.” He doesn't listen to me, and he knows how to push my buttons."

A tear flowed from Cindy's right eye. "Mom, you call him a dummy."

A vein throbbed on Brenda's forehead. "Well, he acts dumb!"

Cindy waved her finger at her mom. "Mommy Ple-ee-ase listen to Jesus."

Brenda let out a deep breath. "Honey, you're right. Maybe I am too hard on him."

Brenda walked over to Brett, who was at the edge of the pool. He looked down as she sat next to him and stared off into space.

Brenda rubbed her hand through his hair. "Brett, do you think I'm mean to you?"

Brett just kept on crying. Brenda put her hand around his shoulders. "Honey I am so sorry. Maybe something good can come out of this. Jesus told your sister that I was being too mean to you. I never should have not yelled at you. I was scared that she died."

Brenda put her hand on Brett's leg. "The ambulance is here. How would like to ride with Cindy?"

Brett nodded his head.

Brenda high fived her son. "I promise I try to be a better mom. I love you Brett."

The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.

This article has been read 268 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Judith Gayle Smith04/11/13
Very moving. I love all the interaction, most especially Jesus through the children to help mom find the beam in her eye. I really love this.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 04/12/13
This is a nice take on the topic. I really enjoyed the tender interaction of the sister and her plea to her mother. I cringed a bit when she said that Jesus called her a bad girl. As a mom I'm very aware of not telling the child that she is bad, but more that she made an inappropriate choice. I do think you did a nice job on this story and it teachers a valuable lesson, little ones pick up a lot and tend to mimic their parents so it's vital to act in a way we would want our kids to behave.
C D Swanson 04/13/13
I loved this whole piece, wonderful job.

God bless~