The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 671 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
04/12/13
Oh I can relate to yielding my life to Him. This is excellent, in my humble opinion. You described almost drowning so well, and be saved by His loving arms.
Great job!
This was a nice story. I really liked the way the MC overcame her fears. It really shows how God can get us over our fears. The transition from the pool to the heights seemed a bit sudden and I'm not sure how the Bible verses at the end fit into the story. I think you could easily make them part of the story, but it feels a tad disjointed not to reference them in the story. I think especially the Jude verses would be easy to include with a line like: Though at times, my fears threatened to overwhelm me, Jesus refuses to allow me to stumble. The line in the beginning about liker a drunken seal was hysterical! Keep writing you have a wonderful gift.

I really liked that you ended it with a prayer. There are many people who have no idea how to pray and your beautiful heartfelt prayer shows them. I like devotions that start with real experiences and then move to the message in the Bible. You did a really nice job with that. You also have a delightful sense of humor.
04/13/13
Fantastic job with your story, especially descriptive wise. Nicely done, and beautifully written.

God bless~
I loved your beginning! You do an excellent job at describing the panic one feels when water of any kind over takes them. I have to agree with Shann, I did feel like in the middle things really took a turn (a nose dive if you will) and I felt you started to weave a little to and fro of where you had originally started out. You have an amazing knowledge of scripture, and if you would weave it in so it fits with your descriptions and dialogue as Shann also points out, I think the result would be fabulous. You really do have a breath-taking gift at being able to describe things and make folks laugh. I always look forward to what you write. Blessings...
04/14/13
You did an excellent job describing this one. Your words put pictures in my mind so vividly. I love the praise for being raised out of a watery grave. Great writing!
04/14/13
In my opinion you are a gifted writer and it seems that your imagination is without limits. This piece began well, but I felt that the paragraph starting with 'Heights do thrill me,' until the paragraph starting with, 'Sounds like security issues,' didn't seem to flow as part of the story you began and ended with. However there's a great message in there and your whole piece is immpeccibly written. (Hope I spelt that right.) Keep writing.
04/15/13
I love your descriptions at the beginning of this piece. The lesson conveyed was meaningful. Nicely done.
04/15/13
I love descriptive pieces, and you are very good at helping us see in our "mind's eye" what is happening in your story! I had some fear of water, too, as a child and teen, and had trouble learning to swim, so could relate to your experience. Your lesson on trust is a blessing!
04/16/13
You gave so many wonderful examples of how our Father teaches trust! Perhaps next time think of methods to maintain flow and cohesiveness so your audience doesn't have a chance to get lost. Thank you for letting us share in your struggle. Transparency is a gift!
04/18/13
Your comparisons are wonderful. I so appreciated your message. Your swimming pool descriptions were such fun. This was great!