The Official Writing Challenge
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I think this is a powerful devotion. I like how you started out with the real life situation. I could feel the feelings you described as you sat in the church. Your transition to the Biblical message was smooth. Sometimes articles like this can come off as preachy, but yours didn't do that at all. Good job.
03/14/13
Lovely devotion...touching.

God bless~
This is a beautiful devotion. You snapped a picture for me and it will be forever embedded into my heart. I really liked how you used the first person instead of the second. Many writers fall into the trap where they might say How many spears have you driven into the side of Jesus?
Just by your use of the word I instead of you, makes such a huge difference for me. often when asked questions like that in the second person, it can come off feeling preachy or sanctimonious. You did't do that. Instead, I felt love and a passion for Jesus.
(I know I commented earlier, but as I was reading through it again, I felt touched in a different and deeper way than the first time. That's proof that the Holy Spirit is using your words. Have you considered going to the message board and throwing a brick (which means you leave a direct link to your story) here's the page if you're interested in receiving more feedback from different people.
http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=56&t=36725
03/21/13
Thank you for sharing your heart with us. This was a truly moving piece. I'm so glad that you threw a brick so I would find it. I might suggest adding an extra space between paragraphs for easier readability. Thank you again for moving me this morning and giving me much to ponder. Nicely done!
03/21/13
I was deeply touched by this. Your love and devotion came through with flying colors! Spaces between paragraphs was all I could find wrong with this beautiful piece of writing. Great job!
03/21/13
The words "swam within a whirlpool of leaves of time" is most impressive. That is a phrase I have tucked away in my memory, I have not seen that one before. You have a gift of expression that is beautiful.