The Official Writing Challenge
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03/08/13
This is truly tragic, but it was (for me) a bit hard to follow where Mike ended up. It may have been better to have fewer scriptures to close, so they could provide a more focused impact.
So sad that Tim was so blinded by hatred for his brother. Tragic.
03/09/13
Wow. What a story.

I agree that the ending felt a bit rushed, and would have liked a few more "loose ends" tied (haha) up.

Nice job overall!
03/09/13
Such a tragic story, and sadly, so frequent. I was drawn toward wanting to know more about Tim. What made him so bitter, etc. "It was terribly eating at Mike" might've been phrased differently, like, "Tim's dark side gnawed at Mike..." All in all, though, good job.
03/09/13
Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens far too often, even amongst Christians. You supplied plenty of scripture references to remind us to not follow suite. Good job.
03/09/13
ps Wish I could spell!
Overall this was a very engrossing however tragic read. That one awkward line about Mike being eaten about about Time could have been better words like this," Mike was terribly perplexed at the seeming hatred Tim had for his brother as he was a professing Christian..." Or something like that. I love scripture but in a story format, it begins to loose its impact when so many are stated one right after the other. I will say that 1 John chapter 3 is one I have never heard a sermon on and has some very important and strong things to say to the one who wants to live a sanctified life. I wondered what happened to the other brother and if perhaps Mike ever felt led to reach out to him? Blessings and keep writing...
03/12/13
Great title and a timely message in your story. However it was a bit hard to follow. Perhaps more explanation in a few places would bring the piece together.
Good job though.
Sadly, because this is a true story (only the names have been changed) - there is no pat ending. This was devastating to us, and we quietly gave up. It took years to rebuild our strength. As far as Tim's family, we were pretty much ignored - his brother was "his own Christian" and unreachable. If I had the gift for fiction, I would have been able to tie this up nicely, I'm sure. But the abrupt ending isn't there for shock value; it is how it happened and we could do nothing to put Tim back again. Thank you all for your wonderful and helpful comments - I used the full supporting verses just the way we read and reread them - just a reference or two would not be sufficient to give God the credit He deserves. I love you all . . . Please keep commenting - I need it.
I just had the brilliant realization that if I had used what I just penned, it would have tied up all the loose ends. (Forehead smack). My curves are still learning . . .
03/13/13
The profound hatred between the two brothers, who both claimed to be Christians, in this true story is much more tragic than the accidental death of Tim. It's hard to imagine that Christ-followers and Bible believers could have such black hearts toward each other--brothers in the flesh and in the Spirit.

However, I did find some subtle humor in your account in these lines: "We were, unofficially, “The First Church Of The Wafflebacks”. Cheap white plastic stacking chairs with ridged crisscross backs – definitely leaving impressions." Very descriptive!

Blessings on your writing!