Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Four Ways For A Christian Writer To Win A Publishing Package HERE



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Accent (02/21/13)

TITLE: Thank You
By Francie Snell
02/27/13


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

Thank You

A thick carpet of white lingered on the ground, a gentle reminder of the heavy storm from the day before. Scattered clusters of snow held to the branches of oak and pine, some losing their grip, taking turns plummeting to the ground. “Thank you Lord… this is beautiful”, I mused with awe.

Stepping into the warm little house, the soft ticking sound of the wood stove welcomed me. Comfort swept over me. Then a weighty thought entered my mind, “What do the homeless do on cold winter nights?” I paused to imagine, but could not. It was a world so far away from mine.

Pulling my thoughts back to the plans for the day, the first thing on the agenda was grocery shopping. With the list already prepared, I was ready to go out the door.

**

The store was busy with the checkout lines longer than usual. Shopping completed, I chose the line to stand in.

The odor struck me first. Glancing at the four people standing in line, I found the source, standing about 10 feet away. Apparently, it had been quite some time since he had bathed. Extremely thin, with long stringy hair, wearing a sleeveless t-shirt and jeans, a man in his 30’s held two full plastic grocery bags in one hand and a fry pan in the other.

Wondering why he had bagged groceries standing in the checkout line, I looked closer and saw they were not groceries, but clothes.

It was his turn. Leaving the bags on the floor, he placed the fry pan on the counter and pulled out his wallet, dumping out its’ change on the counter. He began counting, meticulously sorting it into separate groups of even amounts. The line waited as the process continued. After a few minutes, the woman behind me proceeded to another line.

The bag girl stood adjacent the man curiously watching him as he counted out the last grouping, all pennies.

He reminded me of where I had once been, years ago, as a young mother.

**

The heat of humiliation rising up would burn my face to bright red as I counted food stamps and spare change in front of strangers waiting in line. Somehow, I had to provide food for three young boys and myself.

Often, with panic, I would discover my mental math had failed me in my calculations. I had underestimated the total. With shame I would choose which items, already bagged and in my cart, to place back on the counter. The checker would then have to delete the amounts from the bill, which made the process excruciatingly longer. The larger the audience, the more embarrassed I was. Sometimes shaking, I was always relieved to finally make it out the door.

**

“There you go” the clerk said, handing the man his receipt.

His simple “Thank you” had a tone of humble sincerity that resonated, clashing with the triviality around him.
As he walked out the door, my heart went with him.

With teary eyes, I ran my card through the machine, punching the buttons. Cash back? I chose $10.00.

“Sorry about the long wait” the clerk kindly offered, as if she thought I felt inconvenienced.

“No problem.”

“Have a wonderful day,” she chirped handing me the receipt and money.

“Thank you, you too” I said with a quick smile, then headed out the door with the full cart.

Crossing the parking lot, I realized the money was not for me…it was for the man. I looked around, “Yes!” He was at the end of the sidewalk rummaging through his possessions.

“Lord, please keep him there while I load my groceries.” I threw the groceries in the car, closed the door, and then turned to see the man still there. "Thank you Lord”.

Hastily I walked to the man, stopped in front of him and abruptly spoke, “Heh”. He looked up at me appearing startled.

Awkwardly I announced, “Jesus loves you.”

He stood up and our eyes met. With a drawn out “Okaaay?” he replied, as if questioning my sanity.

“Here” I said handing him the folded bill. He took it and I immediately turned and walked towards my car.

“Thank You” he called after me, with a hint of confusion.

Climbing into the car, I reflected back on the long road I had traveled, and to where the Lord had taken me. “Thank You Lord” I said aloud while starting the engine.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 239 times
Member Comments
Member Date
CD Swanson 02/28/13
I really enjoyed this entertaining read. It held my attention and held an important message. Nicely done. God bless~
Judith Gayle Smith03/03/13
This is so good! From the snow plummeting to the gratitude - a true story for our times. Compassion dominates - I love it.

Loving you in through and because of Jesus, the Christ . . .
Mildred Sheldon03/06/13
A very tender story that spoke volumes. Thank you and God bless.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 04/07/13
I love this story because it feels so real and honest. You might have grabbed my attention just a tad sooner had you started with the conflict. Something like: Entering the checkout line, I could feel the tension of the other shoppers. People prickled at the tiniest infraction. A little child accidentally bumped a cart, whose owner quickly glared at the tot. The world felt rushed and inpatient. Sighing, I inhaled deeply. Suddenly I realize why people seemed rushed and even a tad irritated. The smell emanating from the man in line stung my eyes as they threatened to tear over.

Now I know this is much different than what you had, and I'm not saying my way is better. But in this world of instant gratification, you have to grab the reader immediately or they will move on, which would be a huge loss for them because this story is a fantastic example of how God uses us in ways we never may see coming. The only other thing I would encourage you to do is try to avoid passive verbs like was. Of course you can't avoid them all of the time, but when you can using an active verb that helps the reader paint a picture.

You have a special way with your words and I have no doubt that the Holy Spirit is and will continue to use your words to touch people in ways you can never imagine. This message is one we all need remaining of. Not only is it a way to share God's love, but often when we are selfless, we find ourselves to be the ones blessed the most. Keep blessing others. I really hope to see more of your stories in the upcoming quarter of challenges. :-)
Richard L. Provencher 02/01/14
This is a very good story. Well done. I liked the way you blended time together, after weaving back and forth, like a boxer.