The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 523 times
Member Comments
I really enjoyed this entertaining read. It held my attention and held an important message. Nicely done. God bless~
This is so good! From the snow plummeting to the gratitude - a true story for our times. Compassion dominates - I love it.

Loving you in through and because of Jesus, the Christ . . .
A very tender story that spoke volumes. Thank you and God bless.
I love this story because it feels so real and honest. You might have grabbed my attention just a tad sooner had you started with the conflict. Something like: Entering the checkout line, I could feel the tension of the other shoppers. People prickled at the tiniest infraction. A little child accidentally bumped a cart, whose owner quickly glared at the tot. The world felt rushed and inpatient. Sighing, I inhaled deeply. Suddenly I realize why people seemed rushed and even a tad irritated. The smell emanating from the man in line stung my eyes as they threatened to tear over.

Now I know this is much different than what you had, and I'm not saying my way is better. But in this world of instant gratification, you have to grab the reader immediately or they will move on, which would be a huge loss for them because this story is a fantastic example of how God uses us in ways we never may see coming. The only other thing I would encourage you to do is try to avoid passive verbs like was. Of course you can't avoid them all of the time, but when you can using an active verb that helps the reader paint a picture.

You have a special way with your words and I have no doubt that the Holy Spirit is and will continue to use your words to touch people in ways you can never imagine. This message is one we all need remaining of. Not only is it a way to share God's love, but often when we are selfless, we find ourselves to be the ones blessed the most. Keep blessing others. I really hope to see more of your stories in the upcoming quarter of challenges. :-)
This is a very good story. Well done. I liked the way you blended time together, after weaving back and forth, like a boxer.