The Official Writing Challenge
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Charles made a mistake, realized it and repented. The light hasn't come on for Dawn yet but whom the Lord loves he chastens. There's hope for all.
So many of us are willing to go far beyond the limits of God's Wisdom, believing we know more than He does. I pray for all the prideful souls who will one day realize that their own way wasn't His desire. Play the game His Way. Great story!
02/24/13
Wow this was a fantastic story. It had depth and emotions that will touch many...and the message is prolific. Nicely done.

God bless~
I really liked the beginning part of your story. I think you did a great job of setting the scene and developing the characters.

I think the ending was a bit abrupt. I would have liked Dawn to practice what she preached a bit and given Charles a second chance. You did, however, show that he hadn't changed much because he was still prideful. so the second chance may not have worked.

Plus the last line didn't really fit since he would consider his paid job as being as if not more important.

I do think you had a strong story idea, it just needed some working at the ending. I did like the way you covered the topic. it's been quite different from others that I've read this week. Good job.
I love anything musically inclined so you had me from the start initially. However, I found Dawn to be as petulant as Charles was prideful. When Charles was in Dawn's office, and he said, "What more do you want?" That did show pride and arrogance. But when Dawn told him that he was out for good then Charles began to weep. That could have and I believe should have been used as a teachable moment. I have really mixed feelings about this story... I would have like to have known more about Charles's heart and Dawns too. It was a good story idea but while we always reap what we sow, God is also the God of second as well as a million more chances. It would be nice to see a part two on this one to see how both mature in Christ as time goes by.