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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Key (02/14/13)

TITLE: Prideful Charles
By Ken Ebright


"Tap, tap, tap," Dawn hit the music stand with her baton. "Okay orchestra, I've written a transition piece, for the key change for the last stanza on Crown him. You'll need to get that out. We're going to run through that next."

The sound of paper shuffling was heard as the group arranged their music.

Dawn held up her baton, "One, two three," and started to direct.

Dawn waved the Orchestra to stop. "Charles, what are you doing?"

Charles grinned, "Surprise, I added a few extra notes to your transition. Do you like it?"

"Charles it's not a matter if I like it. I think it sounds weird for you to go off on your own."

Charles smirked. "It adds to the key change that you wrote. I like it."

Dawn gritted her teeth. "You're a professional musician with the Shiloh orchestra. Would you do this to your director?"

Charles face turned red. "That's a paid position. This is just a volunteer opportunity. I'll do what I want."

Dawn waved her finger at Charles. "You'll play the music as it's written."

Charles threw is hands up in the air. "What's so wrong with what I did?"

"Charles you can go home now. We'll not need you for the Sunday service."

"Oh come on, Dawn."

Dawn pointed her finger towards the door. "Go."

A few weeks later Charles showed up at Dawn's office. He sat in a chair and hung his head. Dawn was clicking away at her computer.

With his head down Charles said, "I am sorry."

Dawn just kept on typing.

"Dawn, I was wrong. I guess I have a big head."

She slowly turned around and stared at Charles.

Charles fidgeted in his seat as he looked up. "I said I was sorry, what more do you want me to say."

"Charles you have a prideful spirit it says in James 4:6 that God is against the proud and he gives grace to the humble. You’re very good at the trumpet, but you’re not the worship leader. Because you’re un-willing to take direction you're not longer part of the church orchestra."

Charles started to weep "NO!"

"Charles I'm sorry. "Dawn turned back around and typed away at her computer.

Charles went out and sat in his car. "Why Lord, I don't understand. You gave me these musical abilities and now I can't use them. I just wanted to add to the transition. Why Lord why?"

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This article has been read 233 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Virgil Youngblood 02/23/13
Charles made a mistake, realized it and repented. The light hasn't come on for Dawn yet but whom the Lord loves he chastens. There's hope for all.
Judith Gayle Smith02/24/13
So many of us are willing to go far beyond the limits of God's Wisdom, believing we know more than He does. I pray for all the prideful souls who will one day realize that their own way wasn't His desire. Play the game His Way. Great story!
C D Swanson 02/24/13
Wow this was a fantastic story. It had depth and emotions that will touch many...and the message is prolific. Nicely done.

God bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 02/26/13
I really liked the beginning part of your story. I think you did a great job of setting the scene and developing the characters.

I think the ending was a bit abrupt. I would have liked Dawn to practice what she preached a bit and given Charles a second chance. You did, however, show that he hadn't changed much because he was still prideful. so the second chance may not have worked.

Plus the last line didn't really fit since he would consider his paid job as being as if not more important.

I do think you had a strong story idea, it just needed some working at the ending. I did like the way you covered the topic. it's been quite different from others that I've read this week. Good job.
Alicia Renkema02/27/13
I love anything musically inclined so you had me from the start initially. However, I found Dawn to be as petulant as Charles was prideful. When Charles was in Dawn's office, and he said, "What more do you want?" That did show pride and arrogance. But when Dawn told him that he was out for good then Charles began to weep. That could have and I believe should have been used as a teachable moment. I have really mixed feelings about this story... I would have like to have known more about Charles's heart and Dawns too. It was a good story idea but while we always reap what we sow, God is also the God of second as well as a million more chances. It would be nice to see a part two on this one to see how both mature in Christ as time goes by.