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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Staff (01/31/13)

TITLE: Sticks on Steroids
By Diane Loew


“I’m in?”

“Yes, you’re hired.”

Sam did the happy dance in his head because that was what he was supposed to do, right? He had been looking for work for three years. Well, sort of looking. Um, not really. He actually enjoyed living off his unemployment and his mom’s kindness and home cooking.

Just because his mom sent him to this interview didn’t mean she was sick and tired of him, he reasoned to himself.

Mr. Business Suit shook his hand. “We’ll see you in the morning ready to go bright and early.”

“Yes sir.”

Sam left the office and walked down the hallway to the main entrance. He realized he had no clue as to what he would be doing. He only came to this interview to appease his mom never thinking he would be hired.

He noticed the sign in the lobby. Staff-Attack . . . .The stick that guides and protects.

He stopped, rubbed his chin and wondered out loud, “What in the heck is a Staff-Attack?”

Troy came up behind him. “Hey, are you Sam?”


“I’m glad I caught up with you. I wanted to give you a quick tour and show you what we do here and what you’ll be doing.”

Sam chuckled.

“That might not be such a bad idea.”

“Well, come this way.”

He led Sam around the corner to a display of what looked like sticks on steroids.

“These, my friend, are what you will be creating. They are glorified walking sticks. They are ergonomically designed for ease of handling and have the ability to increase confidence for those who need a walking cane.”

Sam picked one up and was surprised at how light it was.

Troy continued. “We also know that older people who need this cane are vulnerable to vandalism and attacks. So, ‘wa-la’. With a push of a button lights began to flash, a loud shrill siren sounded and he beat the cane on the ground to prove its strength.”
“This, my man is how this stick changes from a cane that guides to a weapon that can thwart off danger. Thus the Staff-Attack.”

Troy started a video that showed other items the company made. All were geared towards helping the elderly and disabled. And each item had a separate company name.

There was the Bottoms Down Button that was worn around the neck. A simple push of the button after a fall brought help.

Limb Leverage was a stretch of the imagination. In order to save injuries and falls a wand with a gripper at the end could be extended to different lengths to pick up items. Sam wondered if he could sit in his recliner and reach the TV remote that his mother always picked up and stored on top of the TV. He could never remember to grab it before sitting down. This little gadget could save him some serious up and down time.

The Tooth Paste Twister seemed unnecessary. Why would anyone care to get that last ½ inch of toothpaste from the tube?

Ear Hair Eraser fascinated and disgusted him at the same time. But, several older gentlemen from church came to mind as he watched the little gadget pull, sand or whatever it did to remove the unruly ear hair.

The Lavatory Lid Leveler was his favorite. Never again could his mother holler at him for not putting the seat down. She swore if she ever fell into the commode in the middle of the night again he would find himself refreshed with some nice cold water. And it wouldn’t come from the sink.

Troy finished his spiel and gave Sam his ‘Welcome’ Packet.

Sam warmed to the idea of working again as he made his way back to his mother’s house. This might not be so bad after all.

He made a last minute decision to stop at the gas station to grab a bottle of Mountain Dew and ice cream to make Dew floats to celebrate his new job.

He had just finished the floats as his mom came in from work.

“What’s this all about?”

“Ma, you’re gonna be so proud.”

As he handed her a glass and he raised his own.

“Here’s to me and my new job.”

He paused for a dramatic effect.

He cleared his throat.

“I am now on staff at the Staff-Attack making staffs to use to attack.”

He took a swig and let out a sigh.

“Ain’t that whack!”

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Member Comments
Member Date
C D Swanson 02/08/13
This was a fun read and so creative and clever.

Nicely done! God bless~
Judith Gayle Smith02/10/13
Clever and downright funny! I could use all these staff-attackers but the one for removing ear hairs. Or maybe you should check my ears?
Francie Snell 02/10/13
Very witty. This had me chuckling the whole time. Great Job!
God Bless,
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 02/14/13
Congratulations on ranking 10th in level 2!