Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Repeat (01/24/13)
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TITLE: One More Time | Previous Challenge Entry
By darlene thompson
01/30/13 -
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During his time of discovering the right filament for the incandescent light bulb, Edison experimented with platinum and other metal filaments but eventually returned to the carbon filament. His first successful test lasted for 13.5 hours He repeated the experiment and improved his design many times before he was successful in obtaining a patent on November 04, 1879. Even after the patent was granted, Edison discovered a carbonized bamboo filament that provided 1200 hours of light.
Edison developed many inventions. The phonograph, flurososcope, stock ticker, kinetoscope, two-way telegraph and many other inventions hold his name. Repeating experiments led to his success and opened the doors for a modern America. Edison was in the forefront of mass communication, telecommunications, battery for the electric car, electric power, recorded music and motion pictures. Altogether,
Edison held the patent on 1,093 inventions.
Edison was known for his long work hours. When he failed, he returned to his project and began again. Edison said, "I have not failed, I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time."
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My only bit of red ink would be the number of times you repeated the word filament. I know they're probably are a lot of synonyms for it, though I did find a few like wire, tendril, fiber. Also another tiny thing I noticed in your opening line you say if there was but it should be were because this follows the subjunctive verb rule. It's one of those rules that is gradually fading into oblivion, but for now, especially for authors, still a good one to remember.
I think, however, you didn't overall fantastic job. You started out with a great beginning that motivated me to read write in till the very end. I also thought your message is a great one that we all need reminding of from time to time.
I enjoyed your mini biography. Good job.