The Official Writing Challenge
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Very creative; I loved it. Right on topic, too. Great job!
02/02/13
I really enjoyed this well written and moving piece. Great job with the subject and approach. I especially loved this line: "As he knelt before the cross, a tangible peace flooded his soul." Excellent!

God bless~
Wow! This the only word I can think of to describe this piece. I think you handled the topic in a brilliant way. It was a masterful connection from the first part of the story to the message. And you were able to do that without coming off as preachy.

I only have a teensy bit of red ink. When the MC breaks down he says I can't believe you died for us. While that is true, before he was using first person singular. For me, I think the phrase You died for me is a bit more powerful.

Overall, I think you did a brilliant job. You covered the topic in such a fresh and creative way. Your ending brought the story full circle and left me with chills running down my back. This is an outstanding bit of writing.
First place! This is magnificent. The theme repeats from cynicism to grief and carries us with it. I will be very disappointed if this does not garner a first place ribbon . . .
This piece is almost too powerful for words... The Lord Jesus can turn anyone's heart around, even the most hardened cynic. I loved everything about this piece and I actually didn't think I would from the beginning because I have such a hard time with cynicism but in this case, I wholeheartedly approve, it works for the glory of God and His kingdom. Thank you for this piece of magnificent writing. The only thing I would do differently is that I would end your peace with the MC being saved and scrap the last two lines. You have already stated them basically in your last two paragraphs and I think it is a much stronger ending that way.
Congratulations on your ribbon and on ranking 32 overall!