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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Repeat (01/24/13)

TITLE: Can You Hear Me Now?
By Doris Smith
01/29/13


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My mother-in-law is still living alone and driving her van around town at the age of ninety-eight. She has a sharp mind, is a sharp dresser, and still cleans her own house and takes care of her flower garden.

What isn’t so sharp is her hearing. She wears a very small hearing aid because she doesn’t want anyone to think she might be getting deaf. She takes her trash out to the street at four a.m. so her neighbors won’t see her walk with a cane. She is one proud woman.

However, before her husband died ten years ago, he used to re-tell his favorite story about his wife. He would say that he could be in the next room and ask what she was fixing for lunch or dinner, but she didn’t answer. He would repeat himself with a louder voice and she would then hear him and answer. However, she could be in the basement doing the laundry and he would use his normal tone of voice as he stood at the top of the stairs and said, “Honey, do you want me to take you out for dinner?”

“Yes!” Her answer was instant. There was no need to ask a second time. She would scurry up the stairs and be ready to go in five minutes. He loved to tell that story and she never denied the truth as he chuckled.


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This article has been read 105 times
Member Comments
Member Date
CD Swanson 02/02/13
Awww. This was such a lovely story. Sweet and a joy to read. God bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 02/04/13
This is such a sweet tribute to what sounds like a wonderful lady. I marvel at her ability to still get around at age 98 and also understand her sense of pride and not wanting the neighbors to see her use a cane or see the hearing aid. Those things help bring her to life for me.

I just have two tiny bits of red ink to share with you. The first is the number of times you use the word sharp. I think you might be surprised yourself if you go back and count them. I only noticed the next thing because of something I've just learned in last week. When using the word however, the experts say it sounds the best in the middle of the sentence not at the beginning.
Do they would word your sentence like this: Before her husband died, however, he used to tell...
I'm not sure if I agree this example sounds better but wanted to share what I learned with you in case it would make a difference in one of your future stories.

I hope to read many more of your stories in the future. I think you have a wonderful gift of storytelling. Though this was short it got right to the point and touched my heart Nice job.
Judith Gayle Smith02/05/13
A treasure in a very few words.