The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 387 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
01/25/13
This was so beautiful and the message timeless.

God bless~
01/26/13
So many parents are in that situation, their hearts breaking for their children. Your piece flowed well from heartache to peace, but I think it would have grabbed my attention better if you had started with the second paragraph.
This was a beautiful entry about a mother's pain and anguish. Letting go and letting God handle all things is the hardest thing anyone can do.
If you put a space between paragraphs it helps the reader and it makes it easier to read.
01/26/13
This piece touched my heart deeply.There are so many youths out there in the world just like this one. You ended it well with the mother placing her son in the care of Jesus.

I noticed a few places that needed closer attention. Some of your sentences seemed to run on and the paragraphs needed spacing between them. You had "hear" instead of "heart" in one place.

This is a wonderful article.


01/27/13
This piece brings a good message that is so easy to forget. wWe need reminded often to leave our burdens in the Lord's hands. It might be even better if you do a little more "showing" the emotion of the character, rather than just "telling" about it. You could describe body position and facial expression while crying out to God. That sort of thing. But it was well told. Good work.
01/29/13
The metaphor of the storm works very well with this story. It was a bit awkward not knowing the name of your main character until several paragraphs in; when you introduce her with a pronoun, the reader's mind looks for an antecedent and there wasn't one. You did a fine job of capturing Maggie's anguish and relief in this moody piece.
This is a powerful message. My eyes filled with tears as I read. The MC's pain is palpable. You really brought out that anguish.

One thing that might make this story even more powerful would be to sprinkle some more showing and active sentences. For example: It was a difficult situation having her son and only child abandon his Christian upbringing
is a passive phrase because of the word was. You can switch it around by using active words.Ex: Maggie crumbled to the ground, she covered her face with her hands as the realization that drugs controlled her son.
I tried to use active words, I also gave the MC a name fairly early on so that the reader can begin to relate to the MC.

Overall, you did a fantastic job. The beginning interested me, your transitions felt smooth and your ending sums up your message without feeling preachy. Great bit of writing. I'm eager to read more of your stories.