The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/19/13
This is so beautifully written. You did an excellent job. It's a story worth reading over and over again.
Blessings,
Francie
This is an awesome piece. You drew me in immediately by showing me the conflict right away. My heart ached as I empathized with the young girl.

The only bit of red ink I have is with the word sneaked. You used it twice (once with the word discretely which made it redundant.)In such a short piece, try not to repeat the same verbs. I probably wouldn't have noticed except, even though used correctly, sneaked doesn't sound right to my ears. So many people use snuck instead. I'm nitpicking but I think you have a great talent so wanted to share my first thoughts with you.

I think you did a great job of balancing that fine line of showing vs telling. You also totally nailed the topic. Though there have been other cooking stories this one felt fresh and creative. It was a delightful word.
01/22/13
Oh my goodness! This was so touching, it made me smile and gave me goosebumps. Poignant piece. God bless~