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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Flat (01/03/13)

TITLE: Pitch Perfect
By Sandra Wells
01/09/13


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Margaret Lindstrom surveyed the group of children standing obediently before her. Shirts were tucked in, ties straight, hair neat, and faces scrubbed clean. Perfect. Or as close to perfect as she could expect from a choir comprised of rambunctious nine and ten year olds. The Sanctuary lights dimmed slightly, signaling the beginning of the program, and causing a hush to fall over the two hundred audience members.

With a sigh of satisfaction, Margaret raised her arms and looked toward the piano, to signal her husband to begin. But all she saw was that one infernal raised eyebrow, and the look of disappointment cemented to his face. The same look she had seen the entire week. Why couldn’t he understand? She had done what needed to be done for the sake of the program. It couldn’t be helped. But George didn’t see it that way, and he had been boisterously vocal in his opinion. Their arguments still swirled about in her brain.

“How can you do this to Nicole? She’s just a child.”

“I had to George. She’s flat, and loud. I’ve worked on this program for six months. It has to be perfect.”

“There’s no such thing as perfection Margaret. Nicole is enthusiastic, but you made her feel inferior. You hurt her Margaret.”

“She’ll get over it. She’s still in the choir, she just isn’t singing tonight. Why can’t you understand why I did it?”

But he didn’t understand.

With a curt nod of her head, Margaret blocked George’s disappointment from her mind, and signaled both her husband, and the children, to begin. Sweet, angelic voices rang out. Blissful harmony. Every thing was perfect. And yet, something was missing. Something felt very wrong. She didn’t have to look at her husband to see that infernal eyebrow. But she’s flat, Margaret thought, as guilt continued to bellow above the angelic voices. She had made the right call. Hadn’t she?

Applause thundered, as the children concluded the first song. Margaret turned toward the audience with a pleased smile on her face. Then she saw her. And her smile faded. Margaret hadn’t expected her to come. But she had. Nicole, and her family sat four rolls back. Nicole’s unruly red curls bounced about her face, as she hopped up and down, clapping with complete abandon. Her smile lit up the room. Margaret’s eyes, held Nicole’s, in a guilt-ridden gaze. But Nicole’s countenance held only love and joy.

The applause faded. The audience waited in anticipation, which soon turned to confusion, as Margaret continued to stare into Nicole’s tender eyes. “Ladies and gentlemen,” Margaret finally said. “Our choir isn’t quite complete. Nicole, will you please join us?” Warm tears caressed Margaret’s cheek, as Nicole bound from her seat, and scrambled past the knees which blocked her path. Margaret knelt to the floor and caught Nicole in her embrace, both nearly toppling to the floor.

“I’m so sorry Nicole. Can you ever forgive me?” Margaret whispered in Nicole’s ear.

“Uh-huh,” Nicole giggled, choking Margaret in her embrace.

Margaret forced back a sob, which threatened to over take her, and laughed instead. “You get up there and sing proud Nicole. Sing so the angels can hear you. Okay?”

“Okay.”

Margaret once again raised her hands, and looked to her husband. The raised eyebrow was gone. Turning to the choir, and with a wink of her eye, she nodded. Angelic voices rang out. And one voice stood out from the others. One, adorable, enthusiastic, flat, voice sang strong, proud and loud. Nicole indeed sang so the angels could hear.


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This article has been read 192 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Sandra Wells01/10/13
Okay, Nicole and her family obviously sat four rows back, not rolls. That was only one of the mistakes I made. oops.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 01/11/13
I totally loved this story. I think you did a grand job. The husband's eyebrow bopping around his face is a great example of showing vs telling.



I noticed some tiny errors with punctuation that a challenge buddy might help you catch. Ex:Margaret eyes held,Nicole's there shouldn't be a comma there. Also the sentence that starts Applause thundered,as
There shouldn't be a comma there. If you had switched it around to As the children finished, applause thundered. Then there would be a comma after finished to separate the clause. If you need help finding a critique group or challenge buddy feel free to PM me.

Though it's important to proofread and eliminate errors, that is something that can be fixed easily, but your natural gift of storytelling is something that God has blessed you with. My heart ached for the little one. I can't carry a tune for anything. You nailed the topic spot on. Your ending left me with a warm feeling. The characters and dialog felt real. Overall this is a great story and I truly enjoyed it from beginning to end.
CD Swanson 01/14/13
Hahaha...This was so good. I loved this story. It was a sheer delight. You can weave a mighty tale and make it interesting to boot. Keep it up! Nicely done.

God bless~
Theresa Santy 01/15/13
Loved this delightful and entertaining piece!
Verna Cole Mitchell 01/17/13
Congratulations on an EC for this delightful, feel-good story.
Joe Moreland01/17/13
Wow. Great job! My only regret is that I did not ready this earlier. This story means a lot to me because it illustrates a struggle I've seen played out in various churches my whole life. The ones who need everything done by the church to be "excellent" enough to glorify God and those who believe nothing we can do on our own is never about how "excellent" we are, but about how awesome He is. So many fail to see that there is glory to God in an all-out perfect effort that makes human ears wince.

Thanks so much for sharing this story with us, and congratulations on your EC and level placement this week. Just excellent! :)
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 01/17/13
Congratulations!! Happy Dance!! On to level three!! :)
Bea Edwards 01/19/13
Great story. Congratulations on your 1st place win!I particularly liked your reference to Nicole's singing so the angels could hear.
As one who loves to belt out a tune but has a voice that causes people having the misfortune to stand in front of me at church to cringe, I totally identified with her abandoned singing.