The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
01/10/13
Okay, Nicole and her family obviously sat four rows back, not rolls. That was only one of the mistakes I made. oops.
I totally loved this story. I think you did a grand job. The husband's eyebrow bopping around his face is a great example of showing vs telling.



I noticed some tiny errors with punctuation that a challenge buddy might help you catch. Ex:Margaret eyes held,Nicole's there shouldn't be a comma there. Also the sentence that starts Applause thundered,as
There shouldn't be a comma there. If you had switched it around to As the children finished, applause thundered. Then there would be a comma after finished to separate the clause. If you need help finding a critique group or challenge buddy feel free to PM me.

Though it's important to proofread and eliminate errors, that is something that can be fixed easily, but your natural gift of storytelling is something that God has blessed you with. My heart ached for the little one. I can't carry a tune for anything. You nailed the topic spot on. Your ending left me with a warm feeling. The characters and dialog felt real. Overall this is a great story and I truly enjoyed it from beginning to end.
01/14/13
Hahaha...This was so good. I loved this story. It was a sheer delight. You can weave a mighty tale and make it interesting to boot. Keep it up! Nicely done.

God bless~
01/15/13
Loved this delightful and entertaining piece!
Congratulations on an EC for this delightful, feel-good story.
01/17/13
Wow. Great job! My only regret is that I did not ready this earlier. This story means a lot to me because it illustrates a struggle I've seen played out in various churches my whole life. The ones who need everything done by the church to be "excellent" enough to glorify God and those who believe nothing we can do on our own is never about how "excellent" we are, but about how awesome He is. So many fail to see that there is glory to God in an all-out perfect effort that makes human ears wince.

Thanks so much for sharing this story with us, and congratulations on your EC and level placement this week. Just excellent! :)
Congratulations!! Happy Dance!! On to level three!! :)
01/19/13
Great story. Congratulations on your 1st place win!I particularly liked your reference to Nicole's singing so the angels could hear.
As one who loves to belt out a tune but has a voice that causes people having the misfortune to stand in front of me at church to cringe, I totally identified with her abandoned singing.