The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
01/11/13
This was an interesting way to communicate your message about God and science. To me, it read more like a sermon illustration than a story. The only thing that didn't seem right was the way both the father and son talked - it seemed more like an adult conversation because of the language used. I like the way you ended it by making God part of the story, not just the object of conversation.
This is a delightful read. You also have many messages in this piece. My favorite is how important as parents it is to teach our kids to ask questions and think for themselves. I have a daughter who was precocious just like Billy. Sometimes it could get a bit weary answering all of her questions but so important not to brush her off.

The only red ink I might offer is to work on more showing, especially in the beginning as it is important to grab the reader right away. For example show Billy's personality with something like this: Billy eyed the street lamp as he swung his body around it. He scratched his head as he wondered how someone in the old days could work without electricity.
That isn't a perfect example but I hope it shows what I mean about highlighting his personality.

I think you did a great job with the dialog between father and son. It felt real and I really liked how the father guided Billy, but Billy was the one who resolved the conflict. You also did a nice job of weaving the topic into the story.
01/14/13
Nice job with presenting the topic. This was a well written piece and an interesting piece of reading. God bless~