The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
12/11/12
I LOVE your story. It's perfect for the topic. You've told this with tenderness, putting the reader the splendor of the setting. Excellent!
12/11/12
Sweet, and so enjoyable. What an easy and lovely read.
Thanks. GOd bless~
This is a beautiful story all on its own but seeing it through the eyes of the donkey was a perfect touch. I could easily picture it all and even sensed the donkey may have stepped a bit softer or balked less than normal because he knew what it would take the world years to know.

I did notice you repeated some words. One example would have been: journeyed You could have subbed the obvious travel, but proceeded, pressed on, roamed, rambled all would have been good substitutes as well.

I think you covered the topic in an interesting and fresh way while still keep true to the original verses. I fell in love with your MC immediately. Using an animal for a MC would make it easy to have a POV shift where the reader hears and feels something the MC was not privy to and you didn't really fall into that trap at all. It was a close call when the donkey knew the master was worried. However since they were almost communicating I think that covered it. I'm impressed, it's not always easy to stay in just the MC's head but you make it look like it is. This is spot on topic, spot on a great beginning, spot on smooth transitions, spot on the ending, spot on creativity, and spot on crafting. Simply said you were spot on!:)
12/13/12
Congrats! God bless~