The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/30/12
You captured the impatience of a child very well. The mother did a great job explaining things to her. Nicely done.
12/02/12
This is a charming little story. I instantly fell in love with the little one. Her innocence and faith left me with a warm fuzzy feeling and had me smiling throughout the story.

You had some tiny technical errors that a challenge buddy would help you catch (Check the boards or PM if you need help finding one.) For example this sentence: the child ran after her mother who was putting away the contents of their planting.
Though it comes after a quote, the T should be capitalized because it is a narrative complete sentence that can stand on its own without the dialog. But if you have something like: "No," said Jenny. then you'll notice there is a comma after the word No and that said starts with a lowercase s because said Jenny can not stand on its own as a complete sentence. We need to know what Jenny said to make it complete. It can be a tad confusing and it's really no big deal right now but is something you may want to work on in your next story.

You had some great examples of showing. The above sentence, The child ran... is a wonderful example of showing. It gives the reader insight into the girl's personality, plus it paints a picture in our minds while identifying who is talking. These are all great things to do in a story. I really enjoyed the interaction between mother and child. You did a superb job of building the love between them. This could be a wonderful children's story too as it teaches many lessons like patience, how seeds grow, and that Jesus loves us and tends to us much like a gardener tends to her plants. You did a lovely job and I'm eager to read more of your stories.
12/04/12
Many wonderful and truthful elements here that can be used to teach children. A good message was conveyed in this well written entry.
Thanks. God bless~