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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Bloom (11/22/12)

TITLE: Jemmy's Flower
By debbie edwards
11/29/12


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The child pressed her face into the grass and breathed in the earthy fragrance of dirt and grass. “When is it gonna grow mommy? When?”
“Not for another ten days dear.” her mother giggled and brushed the black potting soil from the child's stubby fingers.
“That's just too long.” the little girl pouted, her lower lip stuck out like it usually did when she did not get her own way.
“Well that's how God planned it.” her mother said and picked up the trowel and the rest of the bag of soil. She looked behind her where there was a fresh patch dug in the grass and ready for the new flower garden to grow in.
“But mommy WHY does God take so long?” the child ran after her mother who was putting away the contents of their planting. “Do you hear me? Why?”
“I hear you.” her mother said tenderly and picked up the cluster of metal low white fencing to guard anyone from stepping into the new patch of earth. While she firmly placed the fence around the fresh planted seeds, she pondered for a moment for the right answer to tell the child to keep her excited about their project. Then, suddenly the answer came.
“Well Jenny.” her mother said and kneeled down to look her three year old daughter in her eyes. The bright sparkling eyes of Jenny searched her mother's dark chocolate ones for the answer. How dare God take so long? Young Jenny felt.
“Some things God does take his time at.” her mother told her. “You have watched me bake a cake right?”
“Yep.” Jenny plowed her tiny fists into her pockets like her father does when he sometimes gets frustrated.
“Well, I start with a cake mix, some oil, and eggs and mix it all together.” Her mother continued. “It doesn’t get baked in the mixing bowl does it?”
“No.” Jenny said. Her hands were slowly making their way out of her pockets.
“No it doesn’t.” her mother almost whispered. “I have to make sure the oven is the right temperature first, then I have to grease the pans and pour the cake batter in the pans to make sure that darned cake gets baked.”
“OK.” Jenny said slowly and looked past her mother's shoulder to see if the new seeds had started to grow yet.
“Then,” her mother said in an excited voice, “I put the cake in the oven. But, I have to wait until the cake gets brown and it doesn’t look gooey on a toothpick or knife when I stick I in the middle of the” cake. That could take a while. But, it doesn’t stop there.” she smiled a dimpled smile which showed Jenny that it was all right after all. “I have to wait until the cake cools before I put on the frosting. But when I do put on the frosting it goes into a wonderful tasting cake.”
“I know.” Jenny laughed and gave her self a tight hug in excitement.
“So, God does the same thing with those tiny seeds we planted.” Her mother continued. “First it starts to split from the seeds underneath the ground where we can't see it. That takes a few days with sun, water and dirt. Then, after ten days little green sprouts start to stick out of the ground. And do you know what happens next?”
“What?” Jenny whispered in enchantment.
“A bigger stalk comes, then leaves and out comes a colorful flower bud.” her mother answered and closed Jenny's tiny fingers like a flower bud.
“Then, one day when you least expect it, the flower blooms into many many different shades of color!”
“RREEAALLY?” All of Jenny's baby teeth were smiling with her face while she asked.
“Uh-huh.” her mother said and spread her dirty nubby fingers like a flower in bloom.
“So that's why God takes so long to grow those seeds.”
“OK mom can we go out for cheese burgers now?”
“Sure come on.” Jenny's mother laughed and walked Jenny over to the car.


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This article has been read 116 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Christina Banks 11/30/12
You captured the impatience of a child very well. The mother did a great job explaining things to her. Nicely done.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 12/02/12
This is a charming little story. I instantly fell in love with the little one. Her innocence and faith left me with a warm fuzzy feeling and had me smiling throughout the story.

You had some tiny technical errors that a challenge buddy would help you catch (Check the boards or PM if you need help finding one.) For example this sentence: the child ran after her mother who was putting away the contents of their planting.
Though it comes after a quote, the T should be capitalized because it is a narrative complete sentence that can stand on its own without the dialog. But if you have something like: "No," said Jenny. then you'll notice there is a comma after the word No and that said starts with a lowercase s because said Jenny can not stand on its own as a complete sentence. We need to know what Jenny said to make it complete. It can be a tad confusing and it's really no big deal right now but is something you may want to work on in your next story.

You had some great examples of showing. The above sentence, The child ran... is a wonderful example of showing. It gives the reader insight into the girl's personality, plus it paints a picture in our minds while identifying who is talking. These are all great things to do in a story. I really enjoyed the interaction between mother and child. You did a superb job of building the love between them. This could be a wonderful children's story too as it teaches many lessons like patience, how seeds grow, and that Jesus loves us and tends to us much like a gardener tends to her plants. You did a lovely job and I'm eager to read more of your stories.
CD Swanson 12/04/12
Many wonderful and truthful elements here that can be used to teach children. A good message was conveyed in this well written entry.
Thanks. God bless~