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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Bloom (11/22/12)

TITLE: Trump Flower
By Linda Gage
11/28/12


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Trump Flower

I didn’t doubt it, because he was always there with that incessant knocking. It drove me crazy, but not today. Today would be different. I was prepared. I had never seen him and I pictured him the slick GQ type, but there was nothing special about his appearance. This gave me more confidence that this would be the day I would beat him. Then he wouldn’t be knocking at my door anymore. I would bet my life on it!
He sat down. I offered him a drink and a snack. He declined saying it wasn’t yet time for that. See, now this is what bothered me most about him. He did not make any sense. He watched me get my cards out. I saw that he had his own. This would be no ordinary card game. I didn’t wait for him. He didn’t seem to mind. I rubbed my hands together in excited anticipation. I smiled and laid my first card on the table: a picture of my diploma. My chest puffed as I recalled all the hard work it took for me to earn my Masters in architecture. My work is renowned all over the world. His quirky smiled seemed to be approval. I slowly laid down my next card: a picture of my million dollar home that I designed. I was impressive. ‘Impressive,’ was the look on his face, or was it? I slapped my third card down with confidence. That was me crossing the finish line of the last marathon that I was in. I have been in many and won all of them. My body a picture of health and I did it. He said, “You’ve done a good job with my temple.” I shook my head in wonder. I wonder what the heck he meant! This was one of the reasons I never opened the door. I could hear him, but it was too confusing, so I ignored him. I thought today was different. I thought I was prepared. I needed to shake it off. I have it under control, surely he could see it. What could top what I have done.
It was his turn. I don’t know why I was so nervous. I knew I had all my cards in a row. He did not appear to have any pretense. He laid three cards on the table and turned the first one over. It was blank. I knew it! I had him. He was just one confused wanderer who went around knocking on doors at all hours. Today was the day I would be rid of him forever. After, I win this game, that is. I waited; he did not speak. High advanced education over nothing. Chalk one up for me. He turned over the next card. It had a ‘speck’ on it. No comment from him. No problem, I did not need his confusing banter anyway. He looked into my eyes before turning the last card over. It felt as if he was looking into my soul with a kindness that I had never felt before. It made me uncomfortable. I sat back in my chair. His hand covered the overturned third card. He was way behind at this point and I folded my arms in satisfaction. Then he moved his had and there was the most beautiful red rose that I had ever seen. It looked so real. He saw the confused look on my face and as he passed his hand across all three cards: the blank one, the seed (not a speck), the beautiful flower and he said, “Only I can make something out of nothing, I allow the growth, only God can make a flower bloom.” Suddenly there was bright light everywhere. It was as if I saw Him for the very first time. Trump card; He won me over.


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This article has been read 122 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Christina Banks 11/30/12
Very interesting depiction of the salvation experience. I liked it. This piece could have been a bit easier to read if there were line breaks throughout. Such a big block of text is tiring to the eyes. I really enjoyed this piece. Nicely done.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 12/02/12
Wow! I think this is a brilliant allegory. I grew up playing cards and that drew me into the story. You did a fine job in the beginning of creating the conflict and then building the suspense. This entices the reader to want more, to keep reading while resisting the urge to peek at the ending to see how it plays out (I know peeking at the ending is a bad thing to do but it is also a sign of a well-written piece that makes the reader want to know more right away, which shows the pull of your words)

Many writers struggle all their lives with something called Show, don't tell. Instead of telling your reader the story--much like one talking on the phone--you want to paint a picture for them so it feels more like watching a TV show. You have some great examples of showing. This was one of my favorites: I rubbed my hands together
It shows a sense of cockiness in the MC and I could easily picture this playing out.
This line is more telling: This gave me more confidence that this would be the day I would beat him.
But you can easily turn it into showing by doing something like this: I puffed up my chest and threw my shoulders back. "Today I will beat you; when I do, you need to leave me alone."
Doing it this ways hopefully not only identifies who is speaking but paints a picture of what the MC's emotions and personality. I also added the dialog to help show. (Make sure with dialog, that you start a new paragraph each time someone speaks)

I was wondering how you were going to fit the topic into this piece and then when I got to the end, I realized you did a grand job of building up to the topic and you covered it in a different and unique way which is always a good thing to do. Your ending is spot-on and brings the reader full circle. I enjoyed the imagery of Jesus being the Trump Card--the one that can beat all of the other cards on the table. I'm in awe of this astounding idea and it reached my heart in such a subtle and delightful way. This is an outstanding bit of writing and I look forward to reading more of your work. Again I want to say WOW! as that is the one word that best describes this piece to me.
Sandra Wells12/04/12
Ingenious! I loved it.
CD Swanson 12/04/12
Sensational story with a prolific message and clever way of presenting the topic.
This was phenomenal. THank you. God bless~
Brenda Rice 12/05/12
So compelling and interesting. Great take on the topic. Thanks for sharing.
CD Swanson 12/06/12
Congrats! God bless~