The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
11/23/12
Very interesting piece about canoeing. A little formatting would help make it easier to read.
This is great, I could almost feel the spray of the river on my face. Though I'll admit that once the instructor said to hide under the canoe I'd have been out of there! I did notice a couple of tiny things--you used rustle instead of rustled and I'm not sure if drive is the right word for canoe. I'd have suggested paddled but near the end you used that word quite a bit. Maybe the word directed would have been better, or even steered or floated but in actuality it is no biggie. I think you told a delightful story. The ending was great with just the right amount of suspense. I could feel the lightning crackle through the air. It left me with a smile.
11/27/12
Great job! Loved it. Thanks.
God bless~