The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/10/12
I liked this piece. I found it quite intriguing. You did a nice job of bringing the scripture into the story.

The only red ink I might have were some sentences caused me to stumble and I had to reread it. For example: Before it fell, in the eighteenth century,
Though you have the commas around it, I still read it as the country fell in the 18th century. Perhaps just pushing around some of the phrasing might help. For example: Before it fell, the United States had overcome great hardships. In the eighteenth century,...
Or it could just be my tired brain had a hard time.

I think you tackled the topic in a fresh way. I could feel the intensity of the characters as they searched for clues of the past. Another thing I really liked was often in these future-set stories where the US falls people have no idea about the Bible. I like that you took a different approach and allowed the two characters to show the reader an important message. This was a powerful story.
11/10/12
I was intrigued by your title and found it very fitting to your story and your valid and timely message.
11/10/12
I enjoyed this story...Can see it in a novel...God bless and thanks for sharing...
11/15/12
Interesting and timely use of the topic. Well written fantasy that isn't....
11/15/12
Congratulations for for first place ribbon and for ranking 12 overall!