Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Clothes (11/02/12)

TITLE: Grape Ape
By Darleen Coon
11/06/12


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

The girls’ loud whisper could be heard by everyone on the bus, “I wonder where she buys her clothes? I bet it’s the Good Will Store,” they laughed as if they had heard a really funny joke.

Katie tried to sink as low in her seat as possible, but soon another boy started in the taunting. “That shirt sure is purple, Katie. Do you know that you look like ‘Grape Ape’?”

He started the chant, “Grape ape, Grape ape,” while making monkey motions with his hands.

Soon most of the kids on the bus were chanting “Grape ape, grape ape.’"

Katie sank as low as she could and hid her flushed face behind her school books.

When the bus stopped where she was supposed to get off, she waited for the other kids to get off, before trudging to the door. Once off the bus, she shuffled down the road towards home.

She was almost home, when she noticed her neighbor lady sweeping her porch.

Mrs. Carmichael yelled out a greeting, “Why so down in the mouth, Miss Katie?”

Mrs. Carmichael set her broom down and came off her porch, “I know what will make your frown turn upside down,” she sang.

She grabbed Katie’s hand and pulled her into the house. She sat her down at the table, grabbed a glass, poured some milk into it, and handed her a plate of chocolate chip cookies. “Cookies and milk always make me feel better,” she declared with a smile.

Katie pushed the plate away, “I’m sorry, I’m just not in the mood.” Her lower lip began to tremble and tears soon began to slide down her cheeks.
Katie impatiently reached up her hand to brush them away.

Mrs. Carmichael reached out to hold Katie’s other hand, “Aw, Sweetie, tell me all about it,” she coaxed while stroking her hand and reaching for the tissue box.

Mrs. Carmichael listened intently while Katie told her tale of abuse between sobs.

“Tell you what, Sweetie, why don’t you start coming here after school and you and I can be friends. I have lots of chores, I could use some help with. I know your Momma works until later and your sisters aren’t always nice to you,” she suggested while reaching for the box of tissues to blow her own nose.

So, although the teasing did not end, now Katie had a safe haven to go to.

Every day after school she and Mrs. Carmichael worked at one thing or another. They baked delicious cookies, canned jelly, learned to embroider, and she even helped Katie to buy flattering clothes from The Good Will Store.

They found out that they shared the same birthday, that they both loved the color pink, and that chocolate chip cookies where both of their favorites.

One day Momma gathered all of the children in the living room. Without warning, she announced, “Kids, I am getting remarried and we are moving to a different town.”

Katie did not hear anything else Momma said, she sat in stunned silence. She couldn’t believe that Momma would make her leave her only friend.

Mrs. Carmichael tried to put a positive spin on the distressing news, although her eyes were bright with unshed tears. “This will be an opportunity for you to start all over. No one at your new school will know you. We will do a makeover for you and everyone will think you are awesome,” she hugged Katie.

Somehow, Katie was able to make the new school work. She was able to make friends with kids her own age, she joined clubs, and was no longer tormented by the other kids.

When she was in high school, she noticed a little girl being picked on. Suddenly, she had a flash back and in her mind’s eye that little girl was her 5 years earlier.

She resolved that she was going to help that little girl and other children who were dealing with bullying, self-esteem issues, family issues, or were depressed.

Now, several years later, she was standing at the podium of a banquet with 500 people staring at her, waiting for her to make a speech.

Across the stage was a banner emblazoned with Big Brothers/Big Sisters. She imagined Mrs. Carmichael sitting out in the crowd smiling, giving her a “thumbs up.”

“Tonight, I want to tell you about a woman who cared….” She began.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 93 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 11/08/12
This is a great story. You do an outstanding job of drawing the reader in right away and showing them the conflict.

You have some tiny errors here and there that a challenge buddy might help you catch. If you need help finding one feel free to PM me. I also noticed that you were trying to move away from taglines like he said. Just remember if they are narrative lines like She laughed so hard she shook all over. is a complete sentence and needs to start with a cap and end with a period. (Your first sentence is complete and should have a period and girls' should be girl's or it should be girls'whispers.

You did a great job of showing with words like shuffled and trudged. it gives the reader insight into the MC's emotional state. I totally enjoyed this and think it would be great for young teens and preteens. With some polishing, I could easily see it in a kids magazine.
Wilma Schlegel 11/10/12
Very well told with a satisfying conclusion. Nicely done. The world needs more 'Mrs Carmichaels' and more 'Big Brother/Big Sisters.'Thank you.
Randy Foncree11/10/12
This almost brought me to tears...very uplifting and encouraging story...God bless and thanks for sharing...
Sandra Wells11/14/12
You accomplished so much with your piece. You enabled us to feel the pain of a child at the hands of bullies. The wonder of all the Mrs. Carmichael's in the world and the effect they have on children, perhaps for a life time. As well as paying it forward, and using one's pain to help others.