The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/07/05
Wonderful story! The fist sentence was a little long..I may have reworked it ..but such a good concept! Loved it.
I liked your story and the concept of the demons talking. I was a little confused with the first paragraph, I had to read it twice. The rest went smooth. Nice Job.
11/08/05
Quite good. Your entry shows how our thoughts can affect our mood and our happiness. When we turn to the Lord with a new attitude, he turns our sadness into joy.
11/08/05
I agree: re-work the first paragraph for clarity, and give her a name. The concept of the demons working her over is superb, and superbly crafted. Thanks!
You need to work on the grammar, spelling, and the "flow" of the first paragraph. Starting with paragraph two, the story really picks up. All you need is practice. You have so much to say. Keep writing. Keep writing. I'm serious - keep writing.
11/11/05
Be encouraged, dear Doreen. You are definitely on the right track! You've started with a great concept, and worked it into a fabulous story! Your character was very realistically portrayed, too. Great job!
11/12/05
Creative, realistic entry.. Makes ya think..
Thanks for sharing..
11/13/05
Creative. I like the idea of different sections. Maybe you could start out with the second section as an attention-getter? The first paragraph is a little long--maybe break it up a bit. Best wishes with this piece.