The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/19/12
Your story is well written and interesting. You have a nice take on the topic, too. Good job.
This is a great story. You grabbed my attention immediately with the screams and fight. It is sad that in this world people don't want to get involved and it can be a very dangerous thing as well.

There were spots were you did more telling than showing. An example would be this line: An older man tried to stop the fight, but he was ignored as if he was not even there.
It may feel like showing but it is really telling.

However,the next line is an outstanding job of showing. This sentence paints a great picture for me:
He held out his arms to separate the women, but the tough one shoved a fist in his face
I know part of it may have been that the word count limited you. I did enjoy the characters and you defined the word conflict with your accounting of the fight. You had me holding my breath and willing someone to help. You covered the topic and did so in an exciting way while delivering a great message.
10/22/12
A good down-to-earth story that is interesting and well written. Keep writing this good stuff for us to read! Thanks!

Colin (Gold Member)
10/22/12
Great story...I really enjoy your writing! Keep up the good work.

God BLess, Lynn
10/23/12
This is a great reply to those who misrepresent Jesus' words as "blessed are the peace lovers."
Very insightful portrayal of your MC's doubts and fears, and courage to act on God's prompting. Well done.
Your story was very interesting and was a great illustration of the verse.
God never leaves or forsakes us, does He? You story is a great example of this.
10/23/12
I like this!

The first paragraph could be rewritten to provide a better "hook." It's a bit awkward in wording as it is now. For example, we don't need to know how old the women are, necessarily. Instead of just telling us Ruth heard shouting, show us. "Shouting pierced the still night air as Ruth stepped off the bus. She turned towards the shouts, trying to see what the commotion was about." Or something like that. My example isn't the best either!

I love the story you painted here, and loved God's method to get Ruth back. :)
10/24/12
Your story reminded me a bit of the Good Samaritan getting involved in someone else's mess.
Interesting and creative approach to this topic. Well done!
10/24/12
Excellent job, powerfully written and a sure winner in the process. I thought this piece was insightful, and riveting. Great job with this piece. Thank you.

God bless~
The good Samaritan is what came to mind for me too. This is a great story, and you have a relaxed writing style. I enjoyed reading it.
10/25/12
Wow! I love the story here, and what a happy ending! Congratulations on your EC.
10/30/12
Wow Marie! I have only just had the chance to read this story and can well understand why it was awarded first place. You had me shaking also, with anticipation and longing. Above this though, was the truth of God's working and restoring a soul to Himself in such amazing unconceivable circumstances. It was thrilling and moving, givin such hope for those who presently may be 'away'. Thank you for such a beautiful story. God bless you in your writing.