The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 435 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
10/19/12
Amazing story. You nailed the topic and I liked your dialog. Good job.
Wow! I really loved this. You did an outstanding job of showing what blessed really looks like. I was riveted from the very beginning right on to the end. Your characters felt authentic, the dialog natural and the conflict riveting.

There are a few tiny errors like in the following: I stepped back, “I should go.”
I stepped back is a narrative line and needs a period after back, not a comma. It is also an excellent example of showing and using narration instead of taglines like he said.
Another tiny error is in this line: Two hours earlier I leaned against the brick wall
Because you are speaking about a past, ongoing action that was completed before some other past action it should be I had been leaning. All of the tense rules for English can be super confusing which why it's a great idea to have a challenge buddy or a critique group to catch little things like this. If you can't find one on the message boards and need help feel free to PM me.

Now you may be wondering why I'm being so nitpicky and the answer is because I see huge potential in this piece and you have a natural talent that needs just a bit of polishing (every single story ever-written needed or needs polishing) Not only did you nail the topic in a fresh way but you delivered a message that just about everyone can relate to. You have several lines that are great examples of showing the reader what the character is feeling as well as giving the reader a peek into his personality. And again, for me, the word that best describes this story is Wow!
Well written! This story has great flow; it kept my interest all the way through. I like the pace of the story, and the MC. This is one of my favorites.
10/24/12
Wow! This was a riveting and jarring read that not only held my interest, but poured out a gigantic message.

Excellent job. Thank you.

God Bless~
10/25/12
I see real talent here, wow, what a story! This is exceptional.

God Bless, Lynn
Great story, you had me seeing/feeling everything. And, very importantly (at least in my mind) it all seemed authentic - Congratulations on your win!
Congratulations for placing second in level two and 11 overall!