The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 280 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
This is a sweet story. It is amazing sometimes about just who can get a driver's license.

The first paragraph was a tad awkward because you said she was Judy's mother-in-law and then you said Judy was the daughter-in-law which was repetitive. I know you used that first paragraph to set the story but it might have been more of an attention grabber if you had started with the lady yelling or Judy cringing then gradually add the back story in. For example when Judy is chanting I love this woman you could change that to I love my mother-in-law.

I think you did a wonderful job of showing. This line really painted a picture for me--inhaled by Alma’s sensitive proboscis. It was great and I love words like that. Some may question whether you actually nailed the topic but I want to reinforce that funny always doesn't mean Ha, ha. It can also be strange or weird and you definitely covered that in your story. Plus I think some will find the fact that she went in her pajamas and the whole scene at the DMV as funny so I do think you were on topic. The ending was great. It left me with a chuckle and me shaking my head wondering about the state of our nation. You did a nice job on a topic I found to be difficult.
10/11/12
Wow - that was some story! It held such a slap of reality for almost "all" Government agencies operate. Hahahahaha. I truly enjoyed this. Thank you for this. I was smiling all the way through...and laughed out loud in the end!

Thanks. God Bless~
10/12/12
Great story and true for a lot of government agencies...sad to say...well written and good job!
10/15/12
I loved how Alma yelled out "Judaaay." It added so much to her character. Alma wanting to get her licence renewed even though she couldn't drive at that point was funny, but shame on the DMV guy as it was so obvious that she had medical problems. Good job with this story.

God bless!
10/16/12
I enjoyed this story. It is funny to realize how robotic people can become at doing their jobs.

You said a lot in a few words. Nicely done.
10/17/12
This is a great story, and so true to life. I loved the vacant description of the official who dared not consider the obvious. And did you know that such workers never look out their windows of a morning?
Simply because if they do they will hav enothing to do in the afternoons!
10/19/12
congrats and God Bless~