The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 502 times
Member Comments
Oh wow! This was so amazing! What a fantastic treasure this entry had so many nuances to it, and an impeccable and unique style.

I loved the part with "our eyebrows grew back eventually..." This was so good. Fantastic wrap-up with the powerful message about Christ and being "broken."

LOVED THIS WHOLE PIECE! Excellent, fresh and creative. Thanks.

God bless~
Your well told story is a good example of how God uses the practical things of life--like an empty propane tank--to speak to us.We should all pay more attention to our circumstances and listen for His voice...your story is a nice reminder of that!
You did a great job with this story. I could totally feel the roller coaster of emotions that the MC was riding on.

I noted some tiny things that will help your story to be even better. In this sentence you have a double-negative (which actually makes the sentence to be the opposite of how you meant it) There was no way I wanted my girls to never enjoy the freedom from the kitchen
You can fix this several whys. This is just an example: I wanted my girls to enjoy the freedom from the kitchen. or I vowed that my girls would be able to experience the freedom that outdoor cooking provides.
Another thing is try to do more showing than telling. That's something every writer struggles with and continually works at to perfect. This line is perfect: I slumped down to the deck. It paints a picture for the reader and really shows the reader the emotional state that the MC is in. That's a wonderful example of showing and the more of that that you can do, the more the reader will contact with your MC.
This sentence does more telling: I felt like such a failure.
This would be a great opportunity to show the reader what failure looks like. Perhaps describe downcast eyes, cheeks burning red, a sigh. Things like that will help paint a picture for the reader.

I don't want you to be discouraged by my feedback because your story is fantastic. You definitely have a natural talent when it comes to writing and the more you do it, the better it will come. I often look back at my first challenge entry and am in awe of how much I've improved because other FW have cared enough to show me ways to make my story even better.

If I were to go through the categories that the judges use, I know many of them would score high. (If you want to see the criteria, check the message boards under the Writing Challenge thread) You had a nice beginning. I was drawn in my the great and slightly disgusting description of chicken goo. Anyone who has ever handled raw chicken will be able to feel the slimy goo as it drips off. I enjoy gross things like that. You also did a nice job of bringing the story full circle. You did a great job and congratulations on your first place ribbon for level 2! I'll look forward to seeing you in level three when the challenge starts up again. Oh and if you'd like a critique group or a challenge buddy to proof your story before you submit it, check out the message boards or PM if you can't find any. Again congratulations for a well-deserved win!
Congrats. God Bless~
Congratulations for ranking 16 overall. That's a great accomplishment for your first entry! You can find the top rankings in each level and the top 20 overall on Thursday evening on the message boards. Here is the link to it