The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/13/12
Awwwww. This touched my heart and brought a tear to my eye. Great job, sweet story and so well written. I loved how you concluded...and the lovely message at the end. Beautifully done.

God bless~
What a sweet tender story. I loved it. Very touching. Thanks for sharing and God bless.
09/16/12
You did a good job with this enjoyable uplifting story of small town America, honest values,and the kindness of people.
This is a sweet story. I enjoyed the way the MC put so much into his restaurant. I also imagine there's a lesson for some in that bit as well. Often people are so worried about financial security these days it can do a number to their health.

I'd encourage you to do more showing than telling. For example this sentence is telling: With emotion showing, he said
Instead show the reader the emotion. Perhaps his voice wavers as his eyes threaten to overflow with tears or there is a slight tremble in his hand. Any description like that will help the reader feel connected to the character.

The ending was great. You brought the story full circle. It leaves the reader with a warm feeling. Though I know that there is still grieving that will come I also sensed hope and could feel God's hand in the middle of it all. Good job.