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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Sweet to the Taste (08/23/12)

TITLE: Revenge can be Bitter to the Taste
By
08/28/12


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Yolanda found that getting even with Brenda was sweet to the taste. Yolanda, with her beautiful black hair and green eyes often found enjoyment at the expense of others; yet, she espoused Christian values wherever she went. She fooled many that she was a Christian lady with her "sweet as honey" words.

Poor Brenda, she thought. “She’ll never know who put the toy spider in her purse yesterday. Too bad she confided in me about her fear of spiders.” As she thought out loud, her face blushed with excitement and as she slowly and methodically smoothed out her long hair, she actually glowed with enjoyment and success.

Brenda, a thirty something Christian had several good friends; one of which was Yolanda. Like some, she trusted people a bit too much at times and trusting Yolanda had finally brought her grief; however, she didn’t know that Yolanda was the one who performed the dirty deed.

The really bad part of all of this was that Brenda ended up in the emergency room with a severe panic attack. Her husband of 10 years, Brad, was worried sick and when the nurses told him to go home; that his wife would be alright, he refused. Normally, Brad always took pride in how he looked. His blonde hair and neat clothes, always made him look sharp but with Brenda in the hospital under medication and care, he had lost interest in grooming and was beginning to look haggard and worn out.

Brenda was recovering but it was slow going. She was sedated and her breathing was shallow but she began to improve around the sixth hour of being in the hospital.

“Brad, she whispered when he came in, ‘Who would do such a thing like this? I haven’t told many about this fear except Wilma, Julia and Yolanda but they are my best friends and best friends don’t do this!”

Brad was tired and worried but replied, “Brenda, there are sick people in this world and we’ve got to be careful. From now on, don’t tell anyone about your fears except me. It’s just too dangerous anymore to do that. Promise me you won’t.”

“Sure. I know what you mean. From now on, I’ll be very careful.”

Several hours later Yolanda walked into the hospital. She got on the elevator and stepped off on the third floor. She talked with the nurse at the desk, found that she could visit her “friend” and quickly found Brenda’s room. Brad had just left and Brenda was all alone.

She peaked around the corner and saw that Brenda was asleep. She slowly walked up to the side of the bed and said, “Poor, dear Brenda. So afraid of spiders. Too bad you’ll never know it was I who did it.”

Seconds later, Brenda opened her eyes and saw Yolanda hovering over her like a human spider.

She replied in a whispered voice, “Yolanda. So it was you! I thought we were friends.”

Looking surprised and a bit nervous Yolanda said, “I didn’t say that. You must have been dreaming.”

As she began to walk away, someone at the door replied, “You’ve been caught, Yolanda. I heard what you said, too.” It was Brad and he was steaming mad.

Yolanda began to cry hysterically and said, “I’m so sorry. I have just been so lonely. All I wanted was to get some attention. Please forgive me.”

Brenda hesitated and looked over at Brad. She gave him a look that said, Let me take care of this..

"Yolanda, I forgive you because that is what Jesus said to do; however, you have done something awful and therefore, our friendship is over. I wish you the best and will pray for you, but it’s over!”

Yolanda left slowly and as she passed Brad, he said to her, “Don’t ever bother my wife again or you will have me to answer!”

That was the last time Brad or Brenda ever saw Yolanda. Months later it was found out that Yolanda was in a half-way house; poor and without any friends. During her stay she learned an important lesson from the Bible. She remembered Jesus’ words as he was dying on the cross, “Father forgive them; for they know not what they do.”

She whispered to herself, “Thank you, Father, for forgiving me, for I truly didn’t know what I was doing.”


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This article has been read 175 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Janice Wappel08/30/12
A good reminder that people can be very deceptive and are not always what they seem to be to the outside world.
Well done
Camille (C D) Swanson 08/31/12
Profound commentary and an accurate account of what can happen if we are not "on guard" being watchmen. It can be easy to be deceived if we aren't careful.

Good job with this!
God bless~
Mildred Sheldon08/31/12
A different take on taste. This was very interesting. Thank you for sharing and God bless.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 09/04/12
I really enjoyed the story. It is a great idea and was interesting to read. It is so true that some people don't realize what they are doing can be devastating to others.

Be careful about shifting the POV. The reader can only know, see, hear or feel what the MC does. So you started out, telling the reader Yolanda's thoughts like how she enjoyed things at the expense of others. Then you jump to Brad worrying about his wife. It's a hard concept to grasp and is something I'm just learning myself. One way to avoid the shift would be to have Yolanda watching as Brad held his wife's hand and kissed as tears welled up in his eyes. It also helps show the reader instead of telling. You can't say she was boiling mad but you can describe what boiling mad looks like to the MC- a red face, clenched teeth, balled fist.

You did a nice job of showing how one mistake can make a huge difference in one's life. Those mistakes ripple outward and affect everyone living in the same pond. Nice job.