The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/24/12
This was a good story...I really enjoyed the interaction of the two women, and their natural-like dialogue. Good job.

God bless~
This is a sweet story about a day in the life of two friends. Your characters were both charming.

I did notice that you had a few errors and missing quotation marks. In this example--
“Annie, you are looking good this morning.” Maude said with a twinkle in her eye.
“You always say that Maude.” As I lovingly reached over and patted her hand.
If you use taglines like she said, then there is a comma at the end of the quote. However, it is good to show the reader with narration. Instead of saying Maude said you could just say Maude's eyes twinkled. It tells the reader who is speaking and gives them a glimpse into their personalities. And the second sentence, the narrative line isn't a complete sentence. You can fix it easily by leaving out the as.
Those are tiny details that a critique group or a challenge buddy could help you catch. If you want more details please PM me. :)

I enjoyed how the two ladies chatted and compared their husbands. You have some great ideas and I think these two characters would be a joy to read even more about them. Keep writing the stories that God places on your heart. You'd be surprised how many people you can touch with your words. Nice job.