The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/23/12
Sweet, loving and touched my heart. I loved loved loved the last paragraph.

Great job. Thanks.

God bless~
I really enjoyed this story. I think the characters were well-developed and it had a fresh appeal to it.

I did question a bit about how if the lady was ahead of her in the line and the MC went home and back to the store that the lady would still be there. I know you explained it but I still struggled with it a bit. Perhaps if you had deleted that first paragraph (though it was interesting, it wasn't vital to the story) and instead expand a bit on the grocery trip. For example, perhaps she could have thought the bill was a tad high and checked it in the parking lot.

Even though that one part made me pause for a second it didn't subtract from the heart of the story. I know God orchestrates things like this all the time and often people are in too much of a rush to even notice. That's what I really liked about your story is it does make the reader stop and think. You did a great job of coming up with a unique story for the topic. It was a delight to read and a good reminder to take time to minister to the poor and hungry as Jesus commanded all those years ago. You have a natural talent and I'm eager to read more of your work.
Great message and I love the ending!
I absolutely loved this. It was very touching and the ending was perfect.