The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
08/16/12
Hand me the Kleenex please! Wow - powerful, superbly written and comnpletely overwhelmingly beautiful.

The "meanings within the meanings" were subtle but sufficient to see the similarities with Biblical references. I especially loved "...I knew my Father's voice" Loved that!

The forgiveness, the coming together, the whole piece, beautiful. Simply beautiful. I LOVED IT.

Great job. God Bless~
WOW! Glad my kleenex was close at hand. This was such a wonderful story. I loved it. Thank you for sharing.
WOW! Glad my kleenex was close at hand. This was such a wonderful story. I loved it. Thank you for sharing.
WOW! Glad my kleenex was close at hand. This was such a wonderful story. I loved it. Thank you for sharing.
WOW! Glad my kleenex was close at hand. This was such a wonderful story. I loved it. Thank you for sharing.
WOW! Glad my kleenex was close at hand. This was such a wonderful story. I loved it. Thank you for sharing.
This is a gripping story. I found an immediate connection with your MC. I could feel her pain, her longings, and her hope.

My red ink would be to foublecheck your punctuation. I read the first line several times because the comma after sky made me pause and I had difficulty trying to decipher the meaning. I also noticed when someone is speaking and you start a new paragraph you didn't have a start quotation mark. You need that to show the reader the same person is speaking. You don't put an end quote until they are done. Those are little things that a challenge buddy or crit group could help you fix. PM me if you need help finding someone.

With that said, I want to emphasize what a great job you did of telling this story. I was clinging to every word. It felt so real to me and my heart hurt for the MC. I'm also impressed by her strength and lack of bitterness. What a great example this is to anyone who needs to forgive someone. This is a great and powerful read!
08/20/12
This story made my heart ache and well up in joy. What an example of forgiveness. We can all learn from your MC. So well told, and the descriptions of the banquet room made me really see it. Keep working on your punctuation - you did a fabulous job!