The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
08/09/12
Oh the fish meals sound so good. Being an avid fish eater, I loved this story.

Nicely told and beautifully written. Thanks. God bless~
You did a nice job of retelling what sounds like a spectacular adventure. Too bad about the rod and reel but even with that loss there were still many great moments.

You had some little errors with punctuation-a missing end quote and commas after the taglines. If you replace taglines like she said with some descriptive phrases it will help develop your characters. For example. Try something like: "What's wrong?" Jerry furrowed his eyebrows and leaned in. Hopefully that tells who is speaking and that he was concerned and wanted to comfort the MC.

You covered the topic in a fun and different way. It left me with the sense of warmth and love that only special people can provide. Good job.
08/12/12
Good story-telling. Enjoyed the scenery you discribed. Thanks for sharing.
08/13/12
Delightful family story with a couple twists and turns. I wondered if she would ever find her rod and reel. My only suggestion and I'm sure it is merely an oversight, and that is when we are referring to God, we should capitalize the "H" in him or he. Nice work!
I also wondered if/hoped she would get her missing rod and reel back. Beautiful scenery descriptions. I felt like I was there.