The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Bravo for overcoming the weight! Fun way you developed the story.
08/09/12
Praise God for your journey. What a wonderful poem and beautiful message. Thank you. God Bless~
This is a lovely poem. I liked how you showed the reader immediately what the conflict is. Sometimes it is hard to show that in poems but you did a nice job of it.

You have some errors like who's instead of whose and a switch on the tense from past to present. A challenge buddy or s critique group might help with that. If you're interested check the message boards or send me a PM.

You did a great job of covering the topic. There was a touch of humor and then the message of needing God's help. I finished reading and felt a sense of hope. Good job!
08/12/12
This was a wonderful poem, right on topic of "diet." You did have a couple of misspelled words and the rhyrhm was a little off in a couple of spots. But your story line was superb and it kept me waiting to see just what happened next in your desire to lose the weight. Nicely done!
08/12/12
So thankful you have allowed the Lord to help you with weight loss. I enjoyed your poem.