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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Diet - deadline is 8-9-12 9:59 am NY time. (08/02/12)

TITLE: The weight
By Wesley Hesketh


What am I going to do.
Three seventyís too much.
My things were specially build
They broke at every touch.

The diets Iíve been on
Donít seem to do the task.
Iíve failed at every try
None of the diets last.

The one to eat grapefruit
It helped a little while.
I did not loose a ounce.
That caused me not to smile.

I took a little break
Not having lost a pound.
I tried with all my might
But I had let me down.

Then one day it happened
I fell while on a walk.
I struggled to stand up
I could not move this balk.

The woman that was there
Did try with all her might
No matter how she tried
I was a sorry sight.

The only thing I did
To help me to succeed.
I looked around for God
And ask Him to help me.

I tried again to stand
But only rolled around
Then with one mighty heave
She lifts me off the ground.

Could not find a reason
The woman got that strength.
On that day I began
To go to any length.

I started to eat less
I gave it up to God.
I began to loose weight
Which seem so very odd.

Even when I doubted
The fat melted away.
Now I stand before you
And I can proudly say.

Itís taken me one year
The difference you can see.
Through God Iím a changed man
I now weight two fifty.

That happened with Godís help
Whoís helped me every day.
He guides me when I eat
Finally He leads the way.

My health is much better
My battleís Ďbout to end.
I have not gained a pound.
With help from God my friend.

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This article has been read 133 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Barbara Lynn Culler08/09/12
Bravo for overcoming the weight! Fun way you developed the story.
CD Swanson 08/09/12
Praise God for your journey. What a wonderful poem and beautiful message. Thank you. God Bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 08/11/12
This is a lovely poem. I liked how you showed the reader immediately what the conflict is. Sometimes it is hard to show that in poems but you did a nice job of it.

You have some errors like who's instead of whose and a switch on the tense from past to present. A challenge buddy or s critique group might help with that. If you're interested check the message boards or send me a PM.

You did a great job of covering the topic. There was a touch of humor and then the message of needing God's help. I finished reading and felt a sense of hope. Good job!
Laura Manley08/12/12
This was a wonderful poem, right on topic of "diet." You did have a couple of misspelled words and the rhyrhm was a little off in a couple of spots. But your story line was superb and it kept me waiting to see just what happened next in your desire to lose the weight. Nicely done!
Brenda Rice 08/12/12
So thankful you have allowed the Lord to help you with weight loss. I enjoyed your poem.