Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Savory to the Taste (07/26/12)

TITLE: Savory Deception
By Gary Morris
08/02/12


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

Iím here today, just outside my tent, preparing an exceptional dinner for a truly special person in my life. Yes, most guys would not make such a dinner for their brother. Mine is just a little different. His name is Easy. At least I call him that. Yes, we are twins and he is only seconds older than me.

Now, Iíve got the old pot positioned just right, and my fire is just starting to flicker nicely.

This old pot is my momís. It is my favorite. I remember mom teaching me how to cook with this old pot. All I know about cooking, I learned around this pot.

This stew Iím going to make today, Iíve made it hundreds of times. All of my family loves it, my brother especially. He likes for me to have it ready when he comes from the fields. He is usually tired and weary when he arrives.

Iím going to start with some fresh stew meat. Iíll let it brown a little as I stir it around deep in this black caldron. I have to be careful not to burn myself on the sides.

Now I love that smell. Smell it? Thereís nothing like the smell of fresh beef cooking.

Iím now going to start adding warm water. Iíve had it sitting in the hot sun since early this morning. Soon it will start to boil, and Iíll add my secret bag of spices.

Well, first it was Momís secret. She just shared it with me. I think my grandmother taught her how to combine the herbs and spices for a nice savor.

It is now time to add the beans. I like using different kinds of beans for different textures in my stew. Easy brags about my stew all the time. Iím not sure if he thinks itís good, or if he just does not want to cook.

I may not be like most guys who like to hunt and fish day in and day out. I like to hang around home and try my hand at different dishes. Iím not worried what others may think. I know it will soon pay off.

Look at the smoke, smell the stew cooking, and watch the wind carry them toward the fields. Ha! Ha! Iíve got a feeling weíll have company coming soon, following the fragrance.

I think I hear him!

See the cloud of dust rising? That is him. Look, the wind is blowing that direction! Iím sure he smells it! Oh, he looks so tired, poor Easy. Watch this. He is so far away that I have to cup my hands and yell loudly.

Hey Easy!

He seems so tired he can barely walk. Look, he is ringing wet. Whatís he saying?

ďJay!Ē

I think he is calling me.

ďJay! I need some food.Ē

Listen to him. If he thinks Iím going to slave over this hot flame all day long for nothing, he has another thought coming.

ďJay, come on man. I need some nourishment. Man, that stew smells yummy. Can I have some? Iím starvedĒ

Did you say, ďhaveĒ?

Did he just say, ďhave some stew?Ē Just sit back and watch this.

You canít ďhaveĒ my stew, but Iíll sell you a bowl of it.

ďWhat? I can barely walk. Iím so tired. Please just let me have a bowl. I have nothing to buy with.Ē

Oh, yes you do.

ďWhat do I have that you would take for a bowl of stew?Ē

Umm, letís see. Iíll take your birthright! Thatís it! You give me your birthright, and Iíll give you a bowl of stew.

ďCome on Jay. You do not mean it! Just give me a bowl of stew. Please?Ē

I will not give, but I will trade a bowl for your birthright.

Watch him. Weíll see how hungry he is. Look at him squirm.
ďCome on Jay.Ē

Look at him!

ďOh well, itís doing me no good now. Iím going to die without food.Ē

You donít have to take it if you donít want it. I have more friends here that would love to savor the taste.

ďOk Jacob! Have it your way! You can have my birthright, just give me my stew! Iím starving!Ē

Here Esau, and have you ever wondered why I called you Easy?

Watch him eat, that sloppy pig!

Does anyone wonder why people call me a deceiver?


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 130 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Ellen Carr 08/03/12
I enjoyed this take on the Jacob and Esau story. Well done.
CD Swanson 08/03/12
Nice job with the reteling of the familiar Bible story. I enjoyed it. It was certaily on topic too. Thanks. God bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 08/05/12
You did a great job of adding the personalities and thoughts of these familiar characters. It definitely gives the reader insight and helps to make me feel like I was right there.

I know part of it was a style choice but I'd recommend that you put quotes around what the MC actually says. Otherwise it can be confusing to tell which are thoughts and which are spoken aloud. Also you don't need to tell the reader what you're going to do next. Instead show the reader with vivid verbs. Like instead of saying It's now time to add the beans. Instead try to paint a picture-- I scoop up a handful of beans, inhale deeply, and plop them into the pot.

I'm really impressed with this story. Even though I knew who the characters were early on, I was so eager to keep reading. You managed to stay true to the story while bringing a modern element to it. This will help people relate to the story-- to see it with fresh eyes. I think you did a nice twist on the topic. Though I haven't read all the stories yet, this is the first one I've seen about Jacob and Esau. This was a delightful read.
Mildred Sheldon08/08/12
I loved your take on Jacob and Esau. It was right on topic. Thank you and God bless.
CD Swanson 08/09/12
CONGRATS!!!!

God bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 08/09/12
Congratulations for ranking 3rd in your level and 16 overall!