The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
08/03/12
Sweet poem that was on topic and enlightening. I loved it. Thanks. God bless~
08/03/12
You did a wonderful job of inviting me to breakfast. I was there and hungry. Nicely done.
This is a charming tale of simpler times when the world didn't rush through the day. I also liked how one can change a gloomy day into a sunny one. This is something we can do with our feelings and moods as well. I often need reminding of this valuable lesson and I thank you for that gentle, loving poke.

You do a delightful job of making me almost be able to smell the pancakes and strawberry. You do have some words and phrases that are repeated. If you tighten up your sentences a bit, it'll help avoid that. For example: Something like this, where I tried to condense some of the repeating words or phrases throughout the story might help with the repetition:

On those blustery mornings, Mom's cooking wafted upstairs and the nutty fragrance of buckwheat pancakes mixed with the aroma of freshly ground coffee aroused us and pulled us into the kitchen.
That isn't the best example by far, but hopefully it shows how you can avoid repeating words like buckwheat, blueberries, cakes, aroma, coffee.

Also, you switched from past tense to present when the berries slide down instead of slid down.

Overall though, you did an outstanding job of helping me feel as I stepped into a time machine and traveled into the past with your MC. You nailed the topic perfectly. Savory means more than good taste but as you showed how unlikely ingredients or aromas blend together to form an unexpected masterpiece.

The beginning drew me in right away and I found myself drooling a bit as I read on. Your transitions were smooth and seamless. The ending brings this well-written story to a full circle.

Another area you have mastered is that old show; don't tell dilemma by using words like oozed and swished. They are the perfect descriptive verbs!
08/04/12
This is very nice. It's cold and raining where I am at the moment (not snowing though, I must admit); gee, I could go a plate of those buckwheat cakes and everything else you so beautifully described! I agree with the advice Shann gave, about using other words/phrases to avoid repetition, but the overall word picture you painted was beautiful. Well done!
08/05/12
What a mighty satisfying breakfast. I could see the blueberries sliding down the buckwheat cakes!Thanks for inviting me to dine with you!
Keep Writing!
I loved the poem and it was right on target. Thanks for sharing and God bless.