The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/03/12
Wow - This reminded me of an old Alfred Hitchcock story. Great job...and so very different for the topic at hand. Well-written.

God bless~
WOW! Not the run of the mill story. A sad ending. Thanks for sharing.
This is a riveting story. I'm not often taken by surprise but you did surprise me with this ending.

The biggest red ink I'd offer would be to watch out how many times you repeat a word. Pride/proud was one that I noticed you used a lot. I was a tad confused in the end who made the poison pie because she had made butterscotch but was eating what the other lady made-blueberry.

I think this is an out of the box story. You did a nice job of building the suspense and then taking the reader on a roller coaster of a ride. Nice job.