The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/20/12
Amen...Our shield, our Comforter, our Everything!

What a lovely story that speaks volumes while solidifying claims of our Sovereign God. God hears our cries and hears our praises equally.

Thank you for this story which was totally on topic and spoke to my heart.

God bless~
07/24/12
I really enjoyed this. Your first paragraph drew me in with nice word choice and flow.

My only suggestion would be to "show" us the tears instead of simply stating that you (the MC?) cried. So show, don't tell. You could have said, "I plopped down next to the mess with tears welling in my eyes."

I love how God heard the cry of your heart (assuming this is your own story), and showed you He really did hear you by sending others to show His love and to even provide you with cookies to replace the ones you could no longer make. Just goes to show how we are instruments of His love. When we reach out to others in Jesus' name, we are sharing His love.

Thanks so much for this story!

I love this story because it speaks volumes to the love and miracles God gives us every day. An unbeliever would just say it was a coincidence that the carolers stopped by. But you and I know better. That coincidence had quite a few details to come into fruition. First you had to catch mono. You also needed to be given thew cookie recipe and I suspect it was a tradition that was started years, if not decades ago, handed down from mother to daughter. Next, and perhaps the most amazing of all, even though you felt lousy , in order to receive God's gift, you had to drag your hurting, sick self out of a warm, comfy spot to answer the door. Coincidences? TAH!
Oh and this is just my opinion but I think plopping down and crying does paint a perfect picture and while sometimes some sentences might call for tears welling up, I suspect in the state you were in you just plain out and out cried. Sometimes, in a desire to make our descriptions more descriptive, it can be easy to fall into the trap of purple prose. But you didn't do that here at all. I really enjoyed this piece and it affirms my beliefs that life is more than a coincidence.