The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/13/12
Awww.So sweet. I loved this piece. You certainly were on topic and you managed to touch my heart. Thank you.

God Bless~
07/14/12
Hi -

This is a sweet and precious read. Yes, indeed!

Thank you.
07/14/12
Thank you for a sweet tender love story set in the beauty of nature with a lovely picnic basket to share.
07/15/12
This is such a beautiful sweat romance story. I could feel the tension right away and was eager to keep reading.

The only read ink I have is something new to me and been brought to my attention by a fellow FW. It's called POV shift. When writing in 3rd person the reader can only see what the MC can see. So you feel what the MC feels and thinks but when you journey into the others' thoughts then you are shifting the POV. For example the MC might be able to see the girl's face crinkled or her month open to speak but not her actual thoughts.

But other than the little thing I found the story to be delightful. You did a great job making the dialog natural and the characters real. It was right on topic and I think many readers can relate to or wish for such a romantic day. The ending was beautiful and brought the reader full circle.