The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/17/12
Great job with the topic. I enjoyed the segue that led into the powerful message of this piece. Nicely done.

God bless~
This is a nice devotion. I liked that you shared a real experience to help emphasis your point.

Try working on doing more showing than telling. It's something all writers struggle with but makes it much easier for the reader to connect to your story. Instead of saying the lady seemed kind and friendly show me. Did she smile and bat her eyelashes at him or perhaps she snuggled in closer when they were sitting. Maybe she brought him a batch of homemade cookies to share after the service. Any of these little details will help paint a picture for the reader.

I enjoyed your message at the end. I think this story has several messages. One is faith in God helps get through the tough times. Another is to guard our hearts and fill them with the word of God. I also could see what some may think as innocent flirting could really lead another person on and cause them a great deal of pain. You did a good job with these.