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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Risk (05/17/12)

TITLE: The pain of Love.
By Millicent Njue


It didnít seem to make any sense at all. She had done all a mother could do. Had spent countless days and nights interceeding for her child. But nothing had changed. The girl had found it in herself to run away from home. From the warmth of a family that loved her so much.
Janice had tried countless times to understand what it was that was going on in her teenage daughterís mind. She had tried talking to her with no results. The girl preferred talking to her friends on social media. And sometimes insisted on going to hang out with them.
Just like any mother would be, she worried that her daughter was in wrong company. That she would get into drugs and all things bad. But as it was, there seemed to be little she could do about it but pray. And pray she did.
She prayed that her girl would realize the love that her family had for her. That she would stop fighting them and at least listen to what they had to say. It was difficult that she choose her friends over her family. That she could not stand to be in the presence of those who loved her most.
Her prayers eventually begun to get answered many years later. Even with so much water under the bridge the family was willing to give their daughter another chance. Now that she had called to say that she was coming back home.
Notwithstanding, she could be coming back with baggage. Both emotional and physical. It might be that she had undergone trauma out there that could mean more input from the family. God forbid there might have been some physical abuse. All the family could do is wait for her to come back home. With baited breath not knowing what state their daughter would be coming back in. And how it would impact all of them.

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This article has been read 232 times
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Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 05/25/12
This really touched my heart. I think all parents can relate to that fear of not knowing what to do. Praying is the most we can do not the least.

I wish there was more to this story. I wanted to keep reading. You need to work on doing more showing and less telling. For example: Instead of telling the MC had done everything possible show with something like this: Janice paced the floor; her eyes kept flitting to the clock5. Her mind sought out appropriate actions to take - the cell phone would be reprogrammed so only home and 911 could be dialed.
This helps the reader get a picture in her head and helps relate to the MC more.Also baited breath should be bated.

This was a great take on the topic. Parenthood, itself is a huge risk, then all the days spent wondering if you're doing it right. I like how you left the ending open. Many writers want to tie everything up in a blow but real life isn't always like that. Nice job.
C D Swanson 05/25/12
You've managed to pack so much into such a "short piece" and that is a sign of a very good writer. As I've often stated in this forum, it's easier to expand a story...but difficult to keep it to a minimum.

Great job with this and the mom's emotions churning...Thank you.

God bless~
Theresa Santy 05/26/12
Great application of theme. I did like that a lot was said in a few words, but I also agree with Shann, that I'd like to see the story expanded out a bit.

And yes, love is a risky adventure.
Mildred Sheldon05/28/12
So tender and very touching. This spoke volumes to all parents. Thank you for sharing and God bless.