The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/18/12
Perfect ending to this well written story. School is a difficult time for a lot of children, and being shunned makes it excruitiating. This story cleary outlined that, and "showed" the stress the MC was feeling.

Great job. Thanks.

God bless~
05/20/12
Well written! My heart was pounding along with Julie's. I could feel all the emotions throughout this.
I really enjoyed this story. Young girls can be so mean and vicious. It's important that we continue to strive to stop bullying.

I really like the idea of your story but you need to do more showing and less telling. Show the retarder what it was like for Julia with something like Julia walked to the classroom when Sally stuck out her foot and Julia sprawled to the ground. Something like that will help paint a picture for the reader.

I really liked the ending and how even though she was nervous she still got her moment. I also like how you left it open-ended. Nice job.
05/20/12
This is really well written. I like your descriptive sentences; I do agree with Shann, some slight changes would help the reader get the picture of what was going on a bit easier.

I have to say, I felt so cross with the mum; how careful we need to be that our actions for our kids don't become the very thing that cause them to struggle socially in life, whatever age they are. I thought Julia was going to renounce her crown and call Katie up to take what was 'rightfully hers' given the deception of her mum and the teacher, and might have helped repair some of the damage done. These days, though, that's a fairly cliche ending!). Great job, well done.
Congratulations for ranking 6th in level two!