The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 360 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
05/12/12
I loved the clear outlined journal of her emotional walk through her pain.

The conclusion was powerful in the realization of what Christ went through, thereby allowing her to "heal."

Great job with this. Well-written entry.

God bless,

Camille~
05/12/12
I was happy Brenda was finally getting help. It's no fun for the one in pain or for the spouse. Hopefully she could see that if surgery for her back could help her, that she would do that too. Jesus bore our pain at the cross so our yoke would be lighter, not to mention salvation - come Lord Jesus come!

You did a nice job telling us this story.
This is a touching story. I could really relate to the MC because I have been ill for half of my life now (23 years) Every day and every second, I have been in pain. It's not easy to handle and can make one weary.

Go back and check out the number of times you said the word pain. I think you'll be surprised. One way to help with that is to do more showing and less telling. For example, take this sentence -- She was desperate to find a solution and tired of always being in pain.
A way to show instead of tell is to write something like this. Brenda winced as she squirmed in the waiting room chair of yet another doctor. Bowing her head, she prayed that God would help the doctors find a solution.
It is more words, but it paints a picture for the reader and tells the reader she is in pain and searching for a solution.

Your story was spot on the topic. You definitely showed how weary the MC was and a chronic illness can be draining. The ending was great. I really liked how the solution didn't come all at once and she learned how to lessen the pain with the strength of Jesus by her side. I also liked picturing the agony Jesus endured for me. Often when I'm too done in to answer God's calling, I will flash on the cross and realize what he went through for me. This story came at a perfect time for me. Today has been a particularly bad day for me and I've been close to despair. Thank you for reminding me to not give up on myself because Jesus hasn't given up on me and never will. God bless.
I can relate to Brenda's pain. Good old arthritis is a harsh task master, but looking at the amount of pain Jesus suffered to save my immortal soul is worth it. I lean on Him and he does carry me. Thank you for sharing and God bless.
Congratulations for placing 11th in level two!