The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/12/12
You told a whole story here in 750 words and did it well. What you'll learn to do is take a part and expand it. The topic was weary. Maybe for practice, you can take the girl who got raped and write about her- her thoughts, feelings - her deep, profound weariness and maybe even her hope found. With 750 words, there just isn't enough time to tell us the whole story and keep it on topic enough.

Such a sad story, though, and unfortunately, too commonplace. Makes my heart hurt. Keep on writing. You have talent!
05/12/12
A riveting and heartwrenching entry for sure. The story was well written and held an element of authenticity. Probably due to the plethora of similar stories that perpetuate the news stories daily.

I applaud the daughter for taking action and confronting her dad making him admit to his heinous and abominable act.

Excellent job. Well done, and powerful. Jesus Christ is our "healer" and He will set us free irrespective of our circumstances. Amen.

God Bless,

Camille~
This is a gripping story and really touched my heart. I have been in the MC's shoes as far as the suicide. There are still times I have to fight the urge because I feel worthless. The pain is unimaginable and you did an outstanding job with that.

Just some tiny red ink. When you are using quotation marks, put the punctuation inside the marks. Also break your story into smaller paragraphs and double-space between them. Also remember to start a new paragraph each time someone different speaks, even if it's just one word. A critique group or a challenge buddy could help you with these little things. Check the message boards if you're interested.

With that said, those little errors didn't take away from your story at all. The beginning grabbed my attention immediately. You did a great job developing the characters. I could feel the pain and fury radiating off the screen. I think the word limit may have limited you a bit as the ending was a tad rushed. However, I was surprised that the stepsister didn't defend her dad and was delighted that she had the courage to stand up for her. I don't get surprised often so that was great.

I pray this isn't based on a true story but am afraid it is in some way or another. It took a lot of courage to write this and I have no doubt your message will touch so many hearts, more than you will ever know. Again you did an outstanding job on this. Some may say it wasn't strong on topic, but I can see how keeping a secret like that can be weary. I can also see how after the emotional roller coaster ride was over, the MC would be totally drained. Nicely done.