The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/04/12
This was such an adorable story, it was fun and yet it held a significant message. I really enjoyed it, and it was well written.

Good job. God Bless~
05/05/12
Oh, this was so fun to read!
"Two Thumbs Up!"
This was a fun story. I could easily see it as part of a tween book. You did a great job of writing on topic in a fresh and fun way.

My one suggestion might be instead of tag lines like confusedly show the reader. Ex His eyes darted about as he shook his head. It takes more words but paints a picture in the reader's head.

I enjoyed your characters and the ending was great. I chuckled at the picture of this happening in a grocery store with the grocer imparting words of wisdom. Nicely done.
What a fun read and it spoke volumes. I thoroughly enjoyed this. Thank you for sharing and God bless.