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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Fragrance (10/24/05)

TITLE: The Scent of a Tears
By Jesus Puppy
10/25/05


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The Scent of a Tears

Standing in the early morning mist,
As the sun first breaks the horizon,
The fog glowing with a golden haze.
A slight breeze stirring the morning airs,
Life renewing each moment in time,
-as a scent on a gentle wind.

Watching as the dawn opens a new day,
Rays of hope gleam off dew kissed blooms.
A rose slowly opens, graced in sun's first light,
perfume so sweet drifting on the cool air,
as a single glistening drop of dew,
-beads upon a petal's rim.

Walking slowly over the new growing grass,
As apple blossoms twirling in the morning air,
Floating to the garden's path in the sunlight.
A silent breath, as the last wisp of fog drifts by,
Dancing through the branches of Lilacs,
-kissing each bloom on the new day.

Listening to the waking of the dawn,
As softly the birds sing out their new songs,
A blessing of praise to the new morning.
The fountain's crystal chimes ringing out,
Each drop of water having a tune of it own,
-a distinct sound to the Creator's ear.

Breathing deeply the fragrance of the dawn,
He brushes gently over the flowers blooms,
As perfumed airs stir to life in His hands.
Slowly He raises His eyes, as a tear forms,
A shadow had touched His greatest work,
-and He called out sadly, "Adam?"

Genesis 3:8.. (KJV) "And they heard the voice of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God amongst the trees of the garden."


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This article has been read 1140 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 11/02/05
Oh wow--this was masterful. I was wondering all along who was being described--I guess I assumed it was you, the poet--and then you hit me with that last stanza. Very good, and way to make your readers read it twice! Bravo!
dub W11/02/05
This is the making of something very good. You established a nice nine beat pattern but ran away in parts of the poem. Use your pencil to count the beats (hard), figure out the prosody and you have a wonderful offering.
J. C. Lamont11/02/05
This was breath-takingly beautiful...and really hits you in the end. Awesome.
Donna J. Shepherd11/02/05
Very nice. I would keep the last few lines in the present tense to keep the consistency. Thanks for sharing!
Garnet Miller 11/02/05
I believe God was much aggrieved by the Fall of Man-as much as He was joyous, with a heavy heart, when Jesus died on the cross so that we could once again walk with Him "in the cool of the day". Wonderfully touching poem:)
Nina Phillips11/02/05
I want to shed a tear myself. This was so, so wonderful, beautiful, touching and heartbreaking when I read the jolt at the end. Wow! This is one on the top of my list. God bless you, littlelight
Marilyn Schnepp 11/03/05
I read it because it was mistakenly "a tears"...but found it to be surprisingly awesome. The last line made me weep. Very nice.
Brandi Roberts11/03/05
Very beautiful! Very descriptive. I really enjoyed this!
terri tiffany11/03/05
Wow! Wonderful imagery and that last line got me too! Your words painted such a vivid picture.Nice writing!!
Linda Watson Owen11/03/05
You've achieved such a beautifully timeless quality in this poem that comes to a sudden jarring halt with the mentioning of the name 'Adam'. Great effect!
Laurie Glass11/03/05
This is a beautiful poem. I, too, was struck with that last line. Great job!
Shari Armstrong 11/03/05
A lovely poem -wonderful images.
Amy Michelle Wiley 11/03/05
Beautiful descriptions. Wonderful job!
Debbie OConnor11/04/05
Beautiful images. Love the ending.
Val Clark11/06/05
Wow! Stunning imagery and ideas, The end was inspired.
Debbie Sickler11/06/05
This was beautifully written. I loved your descriptions and how you showed Adam disrupted God's happiness with his sin. Very creative and unsuspected ending.
Julianne Jones11/06/05
Wow! Agree that the tense should remain consistent throughout - last stanza will still be powerful. You are on your way to becoming a masterful poet. Well done.
Deborah Porter 11/07/05
Pup - Guess what? You did very well in the Fragrance Challenge. You may not have actually received an award, but you were in 8th place for Level 2, and ranked 28th overall (out of 145 entries). That's excellent, so give yourself a pat on the back. You deserve it! Love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)
B Brenton11/13/05
Wow. This is beautiful. I'm suprised it wasn't in the winners circle.
Keep up the good work!