The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/28/12
A very truthful entry. We all fall short and this piece clearly illustrates that in a gripping fashion. I liked the sincerity in the last line. Nice job.

God Bless~
I could so relate to the MC in this piece. I used to be a RN and though part of it never leaves you, my identity was tied up in my job, then later as a mother. I often find myself looking back and wanting things to be how they were.

My main suggestion would be to break up your piece into smaller paragraphs and double space between them. In short stories, especially, it is important to have that white space so as to not overwhelm the reader.

You did a nice job of staying on topic while delivering a great message. I'm sure I'm not the only one who needs to be reminded to live in the here and now.