The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/13/12
This was a good imaginative story...I liked the way the MC transferred over to "Eternity" as she smiled and took her last breath. All the fanfare prior to her demise was clever and interesting the way it was presented. Good story.

God Bless~
04/17/12
Wow...do you have an imagination! I really enjoyed the turkey fiasco! I could see him gobbling and jumping around with your MC trying to get it under control! Funny!

There were quit a few spelling errors throughout, but nothing a good "spell-checker" program wouldn't catch.

Your ending took me by complete surprise! Good job!



This is positively brilliant. I thought it was super clever to worry about the calendar while reminiscing about the different holidays and the significance of them to the MC.

I'm sure by now, you have spotted the many typos and have groaned about them. It's always a good idea to have another set of eyes to proof your work. You could find a challenge critique group of a challenge buddy on the message boards to help you with that fine tuning. Also, you will want to break a short story into short paragraphs double-spacing between them to give the reader that important white space. Hitting preview before submit will help you see what your piece will look like when it is submitted. A secret to prevent you from accidentally hitting submit before preview is leave the title and level spot blank until you have previewed it several times.

I think the ending was brilliant. I figured the MC would be dreaming and you took me by surprise to have her dying in the hospital. What a beautiful message to show the reader that though death can be difficult and scary it can also be wonderful and a release. I also like the real message of if we have invited Jesus into our hearts our final days on earth are really an incredible holiday and holy day. When better to celebrate but when we know we will be meeting Jesus in heaven soon. Great job!
You certainly have a gift for writing. If you work with other writers your obvious gift will grow.

It doesn't matter how often I check my words someone else always finds a typo. Don't be afraid to get some feedback.