The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This was an amazing story. It could be "true" as it held a certain authenticity in the tone.

Nicely written, and a beautiful job with the conclusion. I really enjoyed it. Great job bringing the characters to light, and showing rather than telling a good portion of the story.

Thanks. God Bless~
Oh, this made me cry. I was so glad when his daddy whisked him away from all the confusion and pain. Great job!
I really enjoyed this unique POV of the holidays. You grabbed my attention right away and I was eager to keep reading.

At first, I thought it might be a children's story explaining death which is so hard to do for kids. Try to work on more showing and less telling. Instead of saying something like His parents told him that Grandpa was sleeping. Instead make it a quote and a description like Mom lowered her head. "Grandpa is sleeping." It paints a picture and brings the dialog into the story. Another example is your first sentence. If you write something like - Chester stared into Mommy's eyes. He frowned when he noticed her normal sparkle had disappeared. It sets the mystery about what is wrong and paints a picture right away.

I think you have a knack for storytelling. The ending completely took me by surprise. It's not easy at all to do that so I really give you kudos on it. It brought home the message in a powerful way.
Congratulations for ranking 7th in level two!